


we’re gonna do some winter things

by jenhrding



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: 25 days of christmas fun, F/F, a WHOLE lot of fluff, advent calendar things, bisexual!lorna, they’re already girlfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27808132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenhrding/pseuds/jenhrding
Summary: “She imagines their house, filled with pictures of them in front of this exact house over the years, pictures of a love tradition, of something to look forward to, and she wants this. She wants it so bad and she only wants it with Judy.”or jen plans twenty five days of activities to do with judy until christmas.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 38
Kudos: 99





	1. 1 through 5

**Author's Note:**

> i promised and im here to deliver  
> so, i divided this in five chapters to not have to post 25 tiny ones. chapters will come every five days with five activities each :)  
> hope you enjoy !!  
> (my laptop stopped working so this came from my phone, sorry in advance for any mistakes)

**_— day one_ **

It’s a surprise when Jen comes home on December 1st carrying a huge box. She manages to get through the door and meets Judy in the living room, the boys waiting for dinner upstairs.

“Whatcha got there, hot stuff?”

“An early Christmas gift.”, Jen dumps the box on the couch and pecks Judy’s lips after letting out a sigh.

“Ooh, for the kids?”

“No, for you.”

“Wh- Jen.”, Judy almost scolds.

“What?”

She knows the brunette could cry at any moment, “you didn’t have to.”

“Does this mean you’re not getting  _ me _ a present?”, she teases.

“Of course I am! But-“

“Come on, Jude, just open it,” Jen hugs her sideways and places a kiss on the top of her head, “you deserve all the presents.”

Judy smiles up at her and starts to carefully undo the bow before opening the box. She sees a small wooden house, in which every window is closed and has a number written in front of it — there are twenty-five.

“It’s an advent calendar?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t get the religious shit, I just thought it’d be a fun countdown for you.”

“Where did you get this?”, Judy looks at the calendar in awe, tracing every little detail with her fingertips.

“At a store near the beach. But it came empty, I just finished filling it today, thank God.”

“Have you been hiding this all along? How did I not know?”

Jen chuckles, “I kept it in my office so you wouldn’t find it.”

The brunette gasps, “you’re so smart! I love you.”, and turns to hug her girlfriend, who just laughs again.

“I love you too.”, she pulls away and kisses Judy’s cheek, “You have to open the first one today.”

“Okay,” Judy opens the first window and pulls out a folded sheet of paper. Once it’s open, she reads Jen’s handwriting out loud, “have a hot chocolate tasting date?”

“I wrote twenty-five things for us to do this month.”

“Oh my God, Jen!”

“It’s not a big deal, Jude.”

“Yes it is! You came up with all of these.”

“Technically I found some on Google, but sure, I’ll take the credit.”

“Thank you, seriously.”

“Come on, baby, let’s get this started.”

Jen pulls Judy to the kitchen and takes the previously bought ingredients from her bag. Besides the classic “milk, cocoa powder and sugar” hot chocolate mix, they also make peppermint, salted vanilla, gingerbread, pumpkin coconut, and an extra option with Bourbon.

The fun is mostly in their banter while mixing the drinks. Jen actually says “sorry, thought this would be more exciting when I read about it online” at some point, but Judy just replies with “everything is exciting when I’m with you”, to which Jen rolls her eyes and bites the insides of her cheeks to hide a smile. Judy kisses her and it’s all fun again.

They call the boys downstairs to do a taste test, separating the alcoholic ones for later. The pumpkin coconut is a no from all of them except Judy, who feels bad because Jen was the one who made it and tries to swallow at least half of it — she can’t, and Jen just laughs at her. The peppermint is their favorite, but the salted vanilla absolutely wins over Henry’s heart.

Both women try the Bourbon hot chocolate and Judy is not exactly a fan, while Jen says she could drink it every day. The brunette asks her if she’s gonna trade her daily wine for it and she just rolls her eyes with a scoff, muttering an “of course not”.

Once everything is cleaned up, Judy props herself up to sit on the island and pulls Jen to stand between her legs.

“I just cleaned there.”

“And I’m clean too.”

Jen just sighs, “what is it?”

Judy smiles, undeterred, “thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep saying thank you, you know?”

She pouts, “but I want to.”

“Let’s do it like this, you can say one thank you a day”, the blonde raises a finger, “choose the moment carefully.”

“But,  _ Jeen _ !”, Judy whines.

“It’s more than enough, and you already used all of today’s.”

“Fine.”, she huffs. “What are you gonna do if I say it more than once, huh?”

Jen looks over to see if the boys are in hearing distance and when she checks that they aren’t, she places her hands on top of Judy’s thighs, “no sex for a week.”

“ _ What _ ?!”

“You heard me.”

“All of that for an extra thank you?”

“It’s the Christmas spirit.”

“How is that the Christmas spirit?”

“You have to be nice, or else Santa won’t come.”, she winks. “Now come on, get off my counter.”

Judy hops off and starts walking quickly behind her girlfriend, reaching for her hand.

“I can say I love you as much as I want, right?”

Jen pretends to think about it for a second, “yeah. I like hearing it.”

**_— day two_ **

Judy is parking her car when she sees Jen’s coming into view on their street. She gets out and waits, watching as her girlfriend parks and walks towards her in that classic sure step — if she didn’t know Jen so well she would say that she’s the most confident person on earth, but she does believe in the ‘fake it until you make it’ motto — and raised shoulders.

She gets a quick kiss on the lips and one on her cheek, smiles, then Jen chuckles at her scrunched up nose and kisses her there too.

“You know what we’re doing today?”

“I opened it before work, sorry.”

“It’s yours, you can open it whenever you want.”, she tugs on Judy’s hand and pulls her to her car, “where are we having lunch?”

“Ooh! That vegan place in the mall, please-y?”, the brunette gives Jen her characteristic puppy eyes.

“You mean that hippie place in the mall?”, Jen opens the car door for Judy to step in and makes her way to the driver’s side. Once she’s inside, she sighs, “fine. But we’re  _ not _ getting that green juice you couldn’t finish and just made you pee every five seconds.”

Judy just smiles.

Jen knows she’s getting her that green juice.

***

It doesn’t take too long for them to finish lunch. In no time they’re window shopping, walking slowly and holding hands, while Judy slurps on her  _ fucking green juice _ , as Jen put it.

“What did Henry ask Santa?”

“Nothing,” Jen sighs, “he just asked me.”

“No Santa this year?”, Judy looks shocked, almost sad.

“I guess he’s growing up.” She shrugs and the brunette stops walking, prompting her to do the same.

The artist smiles sympathetically, “it’s okay.”, and hugs her girlfriend.

“I guess,” Jen mumbles, “there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

Judy pulls away, but keeps her hands on Jen’s shoulders, “it’s a new phase, it’s nice to watch him grow up.”

“I know, it’s just that-, fuck, never mind. We have shopping to do.”

“No, come on!”, she pulls Jen to stop walking. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I guess… I miss having a baby at home. Like, little feet and little hands, and those whiny sounds, I never thought I’d miss those but I do.” She sighs and her eyes light up, “baby shampoo smelling heads and soft tummies and how they sneak in our beds when they’re a little older but still scared of sleeping alone, and they cuddle us and…  _ God _ .”, she shakes her head.

“Yeah. That must be so special.”, Judy smiles with teary eyes.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to like-“, she gestures, but Judy is not sure if Jen even knows what she means.

“Hey, it’s okay. I like hearing about it, I love how you love being a mom.” She smiles, “it’s okay that you feel that way. We can always bug Chris to adopt a baby so we can babysit.”

Jen chuckles, “yeah, I guess so.”

The conversation ends. Almost. Jen keeps getting this feeling in her belly when she sees a toddler giggling or running around the mall, or when she looks at Judy stealing furtive glances towards baby shoes in showcases.

She knows she shouldn’t suggest anything, shouldn’t get Judy’s hopes up. But she  _ wants _ another kid, wants to _ give Judy _ another kid. And there’s a part of her that also knows that she might not survive December without bringing it up again.

**_— day three_ **

The boots hurt her feet a little, but she’s too happy to care. She has never been ice skating before, and when she opened the paper in the morning that confirmed what they were doing, she squealed and nearly made Jen fall to the floor with the intensity of her hug — she hasn’t said thank you yet, waiting for the perfect moment so as to not waste it.

The boys quickly put their shoes on and are already on the rink before Judy can even finish tying hers up, which proves her previous thought that this is classic middle to upper class winter activity. Her girlfriend laces her boots and helps her stand.

Jen guides her through the small gate and suddenly everything feels very real, like she’s gonna fall and this won’t be the perfect dream date the blonde set up for her family.

Judy grips the handrail as if her life depends on it — honestly, it kind of does —, while Jen moves her slowly with a hand on her back. She watches as the boys slide quickly and her motherly instinct worries a little, but when she sees that her girlfriend is looking at them with nothing but pride, she relaxes and starts to worry about her own performance.

“Okay, you wanna let go of the wall now?”

She gasps, “absolutely not!”

“Jude, it’s okay, I got you.”, Jen grips her hand.

Her soft voice inspires confidence, “okay…”, so Judy releases the handrail and holds both of her girlfriend’s biceps, while she holds her softly by the elbows.

It’s a nice way to move, she thinks, slowly and as though she’s flying — sort of. She understands why the boys enjoy it so much, why Jen has the biggest encouraging grin on her face, why she suggested it in the first place. Still, she’s not sure that she won’t fall five times today, but if Jen keeps holding her through it, maybe it’s worth a few bumps.

Henry comes closer to them, prompting Charlie to do the same, and says he can hold Judy’s hand if his other mom wants to skate further away. They all decide that the older boy is a better option to hold the brunette if something happens, so Henry pulls Jen away to skate with him while Judy grips Charlie’s hand for dear life.

Jen pulls Henry by the hand and spins on her skates as if it’s nothing — Judy makes a mental note to ask if they teach ice skating in dance classes —, sometimes even going backwards to take a look at her son. Her smile is wide, wide in that way that only comes when she’s carefree and around her tiny family, and Judy almost wants to sit down on the cold ground to watch her.

Charlie guides her with ease, maybe with less concern than Jen, but that helps, they manage to glide faster and he laughs at her scared face when he pulls her with a little more force.

Judy thinks she’s actually gaining confidence, until she starts paying attention to her movements, looking too much at her feet, and suddenly Henry is  _ very _ close to her, but she doesn’t have time to think because she hears grunts and a yelp and quickly feels cold seep through her coat.

They’re all down. Henry knocked only Judy over, but he had his fingers laced through his moms and the brunette gripped Charlie’s arm so hard when she lost balance that he couldn’t help but fall too.

Jen and Henry are both on top of Judy and Charlie, and the blonde is trying to get up to check on their kids but they’re all really just laughing and it’s so stupid that it only makes them laugh more. Besides, the fact that Judy was not the one to technically cause the accident makes her not worry about their day not going perfectly.

When their time expires, they go get ice cream — because, let’s face it, it’s still California — in the mall they’re already in. Jen rests her arm around Judy’s waist and feels her girlfriend snuggle closer to her, almost unconsciously, giggling about a joke their youngest made. She chews on her plastic spoon a little bit, relaxes in her seat and barely notices that Judy is squeezing her thigh.

Doe eyes look up at her, “thank you.”

Jen just kisses her quickly instead of answering.

**_— day four_ **

Jen carries a saw while walking around the choose-and-cut farm with Judy and the boys.

The brunette wasn’t exactly excited for this activity, not keen on cutting trees for the sole purpose of a month long decoration, but Jen convinced her, saying that it was a tradition, and that they could pick from the almost dying trees if she wanted — it’d be their destiny to die anyway.

Henry holds Judy’s hand as he walks and points at every tall tree they see. She smiles at him kindly even when she’s outside of her element, while Charlie and Jen try to decide which tree won’t be too much of a  _ pain in the ass _ to take home.

The farm offers hay wagon rides and a zoo with rural animals. Henry wants to go see the pigs so Jen sends Charlie with him and gives them some money for the ride, tells their oldest to be back after an hour and keep his phone on. Then, once they’re further away, she laces her fingers through Judy’s and keeps walking, but the silence starts to bother her a little.

Jen stops.

“What’s the matter?”, she asks it softly, her thumb caressing Judy’s hand under hers.

“Nothing.”, but the brunette is pouting.

“Come on, baby, just tell me.”

“Are you sure we can’t get a fake tree? It just feels wrong to cut them and use them for a month just to throw them away!”, Judy pleads with a whine.

“Jude, artificial trees are just plastic that won’t decompose when we throw them away. Besides, not all trees are getting cut, and the farms are employing hundreds of people in California alone. I promise you that we can find a place to recycle it after we don’t need it anymore, okay?”

Her girlfriend nods and her expression softens, “how do you know all this stuff?”

“Because I knew you felt bad about this, so I found this fucking pro-environment farm so we could still have a tradition.”, Jen gestures around.

Judy holds one of Jen’s hands with both of her own, ”I love you.”

The blonde kisses her nose, “I know.”

They walk for a little longer, the boys join them again before they manage to choose their favorite tree. Charlie and Jen narrow it down to two that they like, similar to the ones they’ve had in previous years, but the older woman notices Judy’s eyes wandering to the other side of the farm.

“Jude?”, she prompts, and the artist looks back at her with wide eyes.

“Hm?”

“Do you have an input?”

“Me? No, no…”, Judy smiles.

“You know that this is for you, right? You can choose.”

She tugs on Jen’s sleeve like a kid, “ _ Jeen _ , you can pick whichever.”

“Which one do you want, mum?”, Henry pokes Judy’s side and looks at her with kind eyes.

She feels like crying a little bit.

“I saw a tree on our way here and she looked so sad.”

“ _ She _ ?”, Jen asks at the same time as Charlie says “let’s go check it out”, which also makes Judy want to cry a little bit.

It’s a tall tree, definitely the size of the space they measured near the couch, but it’s also not full of leaves. Jen could say it looks almost dead, the green not as bright, the branches a little dry, not as thick as the other ones. But Judy looks so much like a recently adopted puppy, so full of hope; Henry seems to be into the idea — truly, which one of Judy’s ideas would he not be on board with? —; and Charlie is just amused because Jen is actually considering it, just to make Judy happy.

It’s ridiculous, really, the way she always goes out of her way to give Judy what she wants. Everyone knows she’s head over heels in love with her, but she guesses only they know the unspeakable things she would do (and has done) for Judy’s benefit, even if indirectly. So, truly, giving up their house’s classic  _ aesthetic _ for her happiness is the mildest of issues.

“It’s… nice.”, Jen tries.

“I know you’re not a fan, but if you think about it, we’d be saving her!”

“We could give her a name!”, Henry chimes in — and,  _ fuck _ , she’s glad to see his childhood shining through at these times.

The personification of the tree is also okay to her.

“Sure…”, she scratches her head in thought, “what do you think, Char?”

“I don’t really care for a new tree, honestly.”, he shrugs, and when Jen sees the beam Judy offers, she looks at him thankfully.

“Okay, then.”

After they check for small animals — because they already know the tree is almost dying, it’s not worth the trouble checking for bald spots or freshness —, Charlie stands on the other side of the trunk to support the weight as Jen cuts and the other two family members stand behind to watch. She saws low to the ground and as quickly as possible, and once it’s detached from the dirt, they both shake it to get rid of loose pine needles or any bugs that might be hiding in between branches.

They manage to get the tree tied up on top of the car and take it home after a half an hour of checking to see if it’s safe, with Judy casually trying to get a look at it from inside the car, just to be sure.

At home, in the backyard, Jen does some extra chopping, cutting off about an inch of the trunk to allow it to soak up water and nutrients — a process she was quite used to watching when Ted was still around —, and removing a few branches from the bottom part to give it at least a 10 inch clear space. Then, Judy helps her get it in the stand, tightening or loosening up the screws as needed. They add water to the stand and cut off the net that was wrapped around it before they left the farm.

The boys sit on the couch to watch them drape fairy lights around the branches — it definitely helps with the whole  _ dead _ look —, and when they’re on, Jen thinks that the tree is not so bad after all.

Judy places a soft kiss on her neck while they observe Charlie lifting Henry up to place a shiny star on the highest branch.

**_— day five_ **

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

“I know Laguna, Judy.”

“Yeah? ‘Cause the GPS lady is completely lost right now.”

“I don’t  _ need _ the GPS.”

“I think you do, mom.”, Charlie chimes in from the backseat.

“I know where I’m going.”

They’re driving to a neighborhood that Jen knows has the most extravagant Christmas decorations of Laguna Beach. Or that was the intention. Now they’re basically driving around because Jen is lost.

Not that she would admit it.

But she is.

She has a great sense of direction, Judy can’t deny that, but it’s late, and some of the streets don’t have good light poles. The brunette would say she knew where she was going about thirty minutes before. At this moment, they’re just driving in circles.

“Do you see what I’m seeing, Hale?”

“Lights?”

“ _ Christmas _ lights.”

“Jen, I don’t think that’s-“

“Mom! That’s just one house.”, Henry chuckles when they pass a poorly decorated house.

Jen just groans, “fuck.”

“Can you just follow the GPS?”, Judy asks again — probably for the fifth time that night.

“Just wait a second, okay? I’ll make it there.”

She does. Twenty minutes later, but she does.

The neighborhood is so bright it almost doesn’t feel like nighttime. The houses are extremely covered in lights, huge Santas and reindeers adorn roofs, and there isn’t one clear spot in any of them.

Jen parks the car so they can walk and says, “told you I’d get here” with a smirk, to which Judy just rolls her eyes — it’s not worth it arguing with stubborn Jen.

The boys walk in front of them and they hold pinkies in the kind of intimacy that Jen loves, even if she knows Judy’s gonna get cold and end up walking with her arms wrapped around Jen’s waist for warmth in no time.

The first house has a nutcracker theme — Jen tells Judy to pay attention to this one but doesn’t tell her why. There’s a big tree in front of it, but the trunk is barely visible with all the colorful lights wrapped around it. Santas and stars make the front even brighter, fake snow under snowmans add a lot to the magic, and the huge nutcrackers leave no doubt as to what the theme is. Henry stares in awe, even Charlie looks interested, and both their moms are glad to look at the Christmas spirit lighting up in their eyes.

Jen doesn’t see anything real. Obviously, the lights are gorgeous, and the effort is appreciated; Judy’s enthusiasm makes up for everything she’s not interested in. Still, even if the blonde enjoys Christmas, happy memories are long gone, she barely remembers those when her mom was alive, everything in her memory is now a blur of traditions, and no other Holiday was ever too happy after she passed, not for her at least, as much as she tried for her kids.

This present, the advent calendar, the creation of moments with Judy and their finally,  _ finally _ , peaceful family, was  _ all for Judy _ . She mentioned one night how she never had a Christmas she could properly enjoy, not with Steve, especially not with her mom, and the ones when she was alone she always picked up shifts so as to not have to think about what the day meant. She said she used to look at people walking by her, carrying gift bags and decorations, at love demonstrations in the middle of the street, at actual joy being spread like it was exactly what humanity was supposed to do, but she never had any of it. So, Jen decided to give her a future month’s worth of happiness and love — even if she couldn’t mend the past, that much she could do.

But then, she sees an older couple. A man and a woman with gray hair, almost entirely white, holding hands as they ask Charlie to take a picture of them in front of the house. Judy’s not paying attention to them, too entranced by the second floor’s decoration, but Jen  _ sees _ them. She imagines their house, filled with pictures of them in front of this exact house over the years, pictures of a love tradition, of something to look forward to, and she wants this. She wants it so bad and she only wants it with Judy.

Jen asks Charlie to take a picture of them too.

Judy kisses her cheek when the flash goes off.

The other houses are also beautifully decorated. There’s an open area a few feet away, covered in Christmas lights and plastic Santas, and while Henry tugs his brother by the hand to look at something, Jen and Judy sit on a bench to wait for them, taking a look at the pretty sceneries around the neighborhood.

Jen takes off her jacket and drapes it over a shaking Judy’s shoulders. The brunette complains, but it’s only seventy degrees, so she says she doesn’t understand how Judy can get cold in a weather like this — she says it’s the wind.

“I’ve never been here.”, Judy comments.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she looks up at a house which has a huge clock in front of it — it shows nine pm sharp —, “quite magical.”

Jen snickers.

“Don’t you think?”

“I guess so, Jude.”, she wraps her left arm around Judy and settles her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“I know you don’t believe in this kind of stuff, but it’s nice to think about. Look at how happy the boys are.”

“Definitely doesn’t hurt.”

“Hey.”, Judy prompts her to lift up her head.

“Hm?”

“I’m glad I’m here with you.”

Jen smiles, “I’m glad I’m with you too.”, and gets a peck on the lips that lingers. At least until they hear Charlie and Henry say “gross” and “ew” at the same time.

It just makes them laugh.

On their way home they eat cookies Judy made the night before while taking a last look at the houses. Henry makes a joke about how Shandy would’ve _ loved  _ this, and they all chuckle at the irony.

Between their light banter, Judy reaches for Jen’s thigh and squeezes it, mouthing a “thank you” when the blonde looks at her at a red light.


	2. 6 through 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Grinch goes up to their room.  
> It sits proudly on Judy’s nightstand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck take a shot every time they mention the Grinch in this  
> next chapter on december 11th <3

**_— day six_ **

Judy wants to open another paper but Jen wants to stay in bed for a while longer.

It’s a Sunday, and it doesn’t really matter because Jen took December off work, and Judy has only been teaching art classes on Thursdays this month, but during the week they still wake up relatively early due to taking the boys to school — at least until the eighteenth of the month, when winter break starts.

So Jen wants to sleep, or not get up until ten, and a sleepy Jen is a grumpy Jen, despite her best efforts.

“Jude, today’s thing takes like an hour max, we can sleep in.”, she whines, lazily pressing Judy onto the mattress with her body weight.

“You memorized which day is which activity?”

“I mean,” Jen mumbles, “I did reread everything a thousand times because I wasn’t quite sure about a few.”

“You are the most perfect girlfriend ever!”, Judy exclaims.

“And you could be too if you’d just let me sleep.”

“I can do that.”, she moves to get up but Jen tightens the grip around her waist.

“ _ Noo _ !”, the blonde whines again. “I want to sleep with you. Stay here.”, then she buries her face in Judy’s neck.

Judy just giggles, “okay.”

They both fall asleep eventually. Judy, despite being the most energetic, takes little to no time, and Jen envies her ability to sleep no matter the circumstances.

The second time Jen wakes, is with Judy placing soft kisses on the side of her face. She smiles unconsciously and turns her head to kiss her girlfriend on the lips. It’s slow until it isn’t, until Jen deepens it with her tongue and, now surely, presses Judy onto the mattress again. She thinks they’re actually getting somewhere, but then Judy untangles and gets out of bed before Jen even has time to blink.

“Wh-?”

The brunette smiles at her innocently, “come on! It’s past ten.”

Jen groans, “ _ fuck _ , Judy!”, but she’s already walking down the stairs.

***

“Oh my God! This is adorable.” Judy closes the wooden house window after she finishes reading the paper. The advent calendar now sits proudly next to their eccentric Christmas tree. “I think you’re the bottom in our relationship.”

Jen rolls her eyes, “fuck off, I got it from Google.”

“It’s very nice, I love it a lot.”

They sit at the dinner table with pens and markers sprawled in front of them — Judy’s suggestion —, a few sheets of paper and mugs of hot cocoa that Judy had previously made for breakfast.

“So, what’s the idea here?”, Judy asks excitedly.

“What you read on the paper: write letters to exchange next Christmas.”

“Yeah, but like, love letters? Letters about our lives now?”

“Whatever you wanna write, Jude. Or fucking draw, I don’t know, you’re the artist here.”

“Dance  _ is _ art, Jen.”

“Well I haven’t  _ made art _ in years.”

“I still think you should go back to that dance class, you had so much fun!”

”It didn’t bring good things.” Jen huffs, “okay, can we just  _ do _ this now?”

“Are you gonna write about your undying love for me?”, Judy smiles, changing the subject back to their comfortable middle ground.

“Maybe if you hadn’t given me fucking nonexistent blue balls. Now I’m not so sure you deserve it.”

“Oh, come on, I’ll make it up to you later.”, she pouts, following with an encouraging smile.

Jen takes a while to get words out, but once she starts, it’s not hard to keep going. She has experience in writing letters to Judy — even if doesn’t bring good memories —, so she writes about their current lives, about what she expects from their future, from the boys growing up, thanks her for staying through it all, even when she didn’t have to, even when Jen treated her so poorly that she doesn’t think she’d deserve love ever again. She ends it with “I still love you more than wine”, and thinks that’s enough for now.

Judy takes a different road. She writes as well, about how she thinks that the Universe brought them together, how strongly she believes that Jen is her soulmate, how they’re so in sync that they don’t even have to speak for the other to understand what they need. Her words spill love and joy, show how much she wants to be near Jen  _ all the time _ , wants to kiss her and hug her and touch her, wants to show her how she’s the epitome of beauty and tenderness and love. And she adds a drawing too, because of course she does. It’s a sketch of Jen’s side profile, the way she’s sitting now, concentrated in her own writing. There’s no color except for the bluish green she adds to her eyes, but there’s no other shade she needs.

They fold the papers and place them inside envelopes, writing “to” and “from” on the back of those. Jen puts the letters inside the safe — they don’t need Charlie finding other envelopes from them — in the guest house, since Judy only uses it to paint sometimes, so they won’t be tempted to open before next Christmas, and might even forget about it.

“This was fun!”

“Yeah… Let’s go upstairs now.”, Jen pulls Judy by the hand across the backyard.

The brunette giggles, “why?”

“You’re gonna make it up to me now.”

**_— day seven_ **

A younger woman greets them once they walk through the door, “good afternoon! What can we do for you?”

“We’re just taking a look, thank you.”, Jen answers quickly, but Judy is already complimenting the woman’s earrings, so she releases her hand from the brunettes and walks inside on her own.

The vintage bookstore is definitely  _ cramped _ . The shelves go up to the ceiling, filled with books in every shape and color. There are a few old looking tables and chairs in a rusty white color. The place has a hint of a musty smell, but nothing she won’t get used to in about twenty minutes — though her throat will hate her for hours after and her allergies will stay to remind her of the things she goes through for Judy.

She’s at the Christmas books section when her girlfriend skips happily towards her while stuffing what Jen thinks is a business card inside her small purse.

She smiles at her, “made a new friend?”

“Skyler, very lovely person. They even told me where to get those earrings!”

“They?”

“Her pronouns are she and they.” Jen nods and Judy looks at the book she’s holding, “ooh! Which one is that?”

“‘How the Grinch stole Christmas’.”

“I knew you were a Grinch fan.”

“My mom used to read it to me when I was a kid.”

The brunette smiles and motions for them to sit, “yeah?”

Jen nods again, “she did the voices and everything, something I looked forward to every December, you know?”

“Mhm…” Judy gets up and searches for a book. When she finds it, she smiles, “I used to get this one every Christmas at the local library near our old house.”

“‘The Polar Express’?”, Jen opens the book to take a look inside.

“All I wanted was to get away from everything,” she sits back down and lays her head on Jen’s shoulder, “my mom, our shitty lives… but the best I could do was read an adventure book to get away for a few hours. It was still fun.”

The blonde finds a random page and reads the first line out loud, “ _ ’seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see _ ’... hm, I’ve never read it.”

“It’s really nice.”

“I guess I see why you loved it so much.”

“What’s a real thing you believe in but can’t see?”, Judy asks, lacing her fingers through Jen’s.

“Is it gross if I say my love for you?”, Jen scrunches up her nose.

Her girlfriend giggles, “for you, maybe, but I like hearing it.”

“What about you?”

“Hope, I think.”

“Yeah?”

Judy nods, head still on Jen’s shoulder, “I always hoped that I’d get out of that situation I was in with my mom. I lost it for a while, after college when I was basically starving, but then things started to look up and I found it again. I guess you and the boys are proof that it can lead us somewhere.” Jen hums in understanding. “I know you’re more on the skeptical side, but I do believe that positive thoughts bring positive accomplishments.”

“I think you’re getting in my head with that one.”

“ _ Really _ ?!”, her voice sounds excited, hopeful, still.

Jen looks at her, “Sometimes- and only sometimes so don’t get excited.  _ Sometimes _ , I catch myself having negative reactions and try to stop them, mostly because I don’t wanna attract anything bad for you or the kids.”

Judy gasps, “you don’t wanna attract?!”, she lifts her head to look at Jen, “what have I done to you?”

“Yeah, babe, you changed me. What can I do?”, she shakes her head with a smile.

They end up taking Judy’s book home. She doesn’t have a copy, and Jen thinks it’d be nice for her to read it again — this one is even better, an anniversary edition that has one of the most beautiful covers Judy has ever seen in her life. The one from the library was a beat up version, but she loved it nonetheless.

Skyler thanks them for stopping by and offers an “you two make a lovely couple! I’ll have to tell my girlfriend about you.”, to which Jen just laughs but a flattered Judy gasps in excitement, saying she bets they also make a cute couple.

**_— day eight_ **

“Okay, this is in my  _ wheelhouse _ !”, Judy winks at Jen, she just rolls her eyes.

“You have to forget that word.”

She continues, not at all affected by Jen’s complaint, “I thought we could use some inspiration so I sent a few pictures to the family group chat.”

“I still don’t know how you managed to make us agree to this group chat.”, Charlie comments, looking way too much like his mother, who is now nodding in agreement.

The  _ inspiration pics _ , as Judy called them, contain a series of Christmas decor for them to make: string Christmas trees and snowmans, paper snowflakes, themed mason jars, felt reindeers, and even a Grinch ornament for Jen to try.

Jen didn’t  _ want _ to put this as an activity. Arts and crafts is definitely not her idea of fun — or Charlie’s —, but she knows what Judy likes, knows that if she could, she would make every single piece of furniture and decoration in the house ‘ _ do-it-yourself _ ’. So, here they are, all sat on the guest house floor with Judy’s art supplies in front of them, and a few other things Jen got her from the store. At least Judy and Henry seem to be having fun.

“Okay, I think I can do this.”, their oldest comments, pointing to a paper snowflake step by step.

Judy grins at him.

“This looks fun!”, Henry, with a lot more enthusiasm, points to a felt reindeer, and asks Judy for help with sewing.

“And you, Jen?”

“You want me to do the Grinch, don’t you?”, Jen asks, offering a deadpanned face but with a knowing look.

The brunette just nods excitedly.

“Fine, give me those green feathers.”, she gestures lazily, but she’s not that mad about it because Judy keeps beaming at the three of them. This was for her after all.

They make a mess. Judy tries to make her projects with as little disarray as possible, but the Hardings are not really caring about that. Thankfully, they’re not using any paint, because the floor is covered in feathers and pieces of fabric and paper.

Everyone’s a bit more silent than usual, concentrated in making their crafts, but sometimes a muttered curse is heard, coming from Jen or Charlie when something doesn’t go their way. Henry just sticks to whining when a piece of felt doesn’t glue exactly right, but Judy always helps him with the most soothing voice she can manage.

Jen smiles at them.

“I’m done.”, Charlie lifts up his two paper snowflakes proudly, earning a grin from Judy and a pat on his head from Jen.

“That looks  _ awesome _ !”, the brunette exclaims.

“Thank you.”, he does a small kind of bow and places the ornaments on the stool Judy uses to paint. “I gotta go now, see you at dinner.”

In an unusual moment, he kisses both of his moms’ cheeks and ruffles his brother’s hair affectionately before leaving. Jen just looks at Judy with wide eyes and the brunette squeezes her shoulder with a smile on her face.

“Done!”, Henry almost yells, breaking Jen out of her shocked expression. “It looks adorable.”, he twirls it around and hands it to Jen.

“It really does, Boop. Where are you putting it?”

“Near the front door, maybe?”, he looks at both women for confirmation, and they nod.

Jen scoots closer, “Jude, I’m gonna need you to draw his face.”, and hands her own ornament to her girlfriend.

“You should try it!”

“Oh, no, I want it to look  _ good _ . Not like a five year old drew it.”

Judy giggles, “fine.”

When the woman hands it back to her, she’s in awe of how perfect the face is. It looks exactly like the Grinch, and the green feathers inside the clear ornament help complete the familiarity.

They take all the decorations to the living room, placing them wherever Henry suggests will look nice: the snowflakes on the tree, the reindeer near the entrance, the string snowman and trees on top of the piano.

The Grinch goes up to their room.

It sits proudly on Judy’s nightstand.

**_— day nine_ **

“Can I stay up for the drinking thing?”, Charlie asks, throwing himself on the couch.

Jen scoffs, “maybe when you turn twenty-one.”

“Come on, Jen. We can give a little to him when he’s eighteen, it’s better if he drinks with us than with his friends, yeah?”, Judy chimes in, being the nice parent, as always.

“You’re naive for thinking he’s never drank with friends. I know our son.”, she narrows her eyes at him, who just shrugs.

They’re all sitting on the couch, staring at the television as Henry scrolls to find a Christmas movie to watch. He settles on  _ Home Alone _ , and Jen is not even surprised because he’s seen that movie a thousand times; Judy looks excited nevertheless and Charlie is just there for the popcorn.

Earlier, when Judy opened the little window and read ‘ _ Christmas movie night + drinking game _ ’ on the small paper, she hadn’t realized the intention was for the boys  _ not _ to read that last part. But it was too late then, and it didn’t really change anything, it was not like Jen was gonna give up on alcohol just because now her kids would know what she would be doing with Judy after they went to bed — or upstairs, at least.

Jen remembers the movie as if she watched it the day before. It’s very classic, very fun to watch for the first time, or maybe second, but now she’s just bored. There’s still an hour and a half of the movie and she really wants to speed up the time and send the kids to bed. 

She sighs, pulling Judy closer to her and whispering “you smell really nice.”

Judy chuckles quietly, “thanks. I used your shampoo this morning.”

“ _ And _ you’re wearing my sweatshirt.”

“What’s yours is mine.”

“Shh!”, Henry complains, lying on Judy’s lap and not even lifting his head to shush them, eyes glued on the TV as if it’s the first time he’s watching it.

Charlie is on his phone, eating more popcorn than anyone else.

”Pet my hair.”, Judy demands softly, pulling Jen’s hand to her head.

“ _ Bossy _ .”, the blonde mutters, but complies.

The movement is almost unconscious, she runs her fingers slowly through brown locks and lets her own head fall to the side, laying it on her left hand lazily. Jen doesn’t even notice when she falls asleep.

Judy shakes her shoulders softly, “babe.”

“Hm?”

“Do you wanna go to bed?”

Jen opens her eyes, “no, no. I’m awake now.”

“You sure? Henry’s sleeping already, Char is upstairs.”

“I’m sure,”, she blinks a few times to wake up properly, “go get the booze.”

Judy gets them wine and tequila, places both bottles on the coffee table and pours them the red quickly after. They pick “ _ How the Grinch Stole Christmas _ ” because Jen found a drinking game specifically for it — and maybe because it’s her favorite.

They have to take a gulp of wine when: the word “Grinch” is mentioned; when the Grinch speaks to Max; when they mention his heart; and when he is disgusted by Christmas. Judy has to take a shot when they hear the word “Christmas”, and Jen has to take one when they hear “Who”. The rules were all previously stored in Jen’s phone.

“You were prepared.”

Jen winks, “all for you.”

They’re basically a mess of intertwined limbs on the couch. Jen keeps her head on Judy’s shoulder for the quietest scenes, except when she has to sit properly to drink something.

The blonde feels a little buzzed towards the end of the movie, maybe leaning more on  _ drunk _ if she tries to speak, but Judy is just giggling at anything, almost as if she’s high, and mixing up her words.

After a second, though, she starts crying.

Jen pauses the movie, “Jude, baby? What is it? Are you alright?”, seeing Judy cry always manages to sober her up a little, somehow.

“Yeah, it’s just- He’s really sad, you know?”, she gestures absentmindedly.

Her girlfriend frowns, “who?”

“ _ Who _ ? The Grinch, of course!”

“Oh”, Jen smiles sympathetically, “but you know he has a happy ending, right?”

“I know!”, Judy whines, “But he spends so much time alone and hating himself.”

The blonde tries not to laugh — maybe she should’ve picked a different movie —, the alcohol is not making her the best person to comfort Judy right now.

“I know you want to laugh at me.”, she slurs her words together and wipes her tears aggressively.

Jen chuckles softly in amusement, “baby, I’m not laughing at you.”

Judy pouts, “yes, you are!”

“Well, if you were laughing I’d be laughing  _ with _ you.”

“I hate you.”

She wraps her arms around Judy, who only resists for a second, “no, you don’t. You’re just drunk.”

“Maybe.”

“Was this a bad idea?”

“No! I’m just a lightweight.”

Jen smirks, “all I had to do was get you drunk to admit it, huh?”

Judy rolls her eyes but kisses her softly a few times and settles back down on the couch, leaning onto Jen’s chest so they can watch the rest of the movie.

They drink a little more, finish the bottle of wine, and Jen doesn’t even manage to turn the television off before Judy is throwing herself on top of her and straddling her lap to kiss her — wine has always made her like this.

She can hear the credits rolling in the background, a soft buzz in her ear, can feel the cold breeze coming from the tiny crack on the window that they haven’t fixed yet, but, mostly, she feels Judy surrounding her in that suffocating way that she loves so much. Her lips taste like a mix of alcohol and the classic flavor of  _ her _ .

Judy pulls her closer by the neck, tangling her fingers in blonde hair, while the older woman’s hands find her warm skin underneath her sweatshirt.

Jen doesn’t want to move. Doesn’t want to walk upstairs, doesn’t want to stop. She’s, honestly, very glad to just sit there and  _ kiss _ Judy, for as long as her breath allows her. But they have kids. Kids who could come downstairs at any moment, interrupt them, or worse, witness them doing things she’d hate to have caught her own parents doing — if her mother wasn’t as sick as she was.

“Jude”, she manages to mumble in between kisses.

Judy just moans in disapproval.

“Judy. Let’s go upstairs.”

“ _ Nooo _ .”

“Our bedroom has a lock on the door, baby.”

She doesn’t stop, moves down to kiss Jen’s neck, “but it’s comfy here.”

“Yeah, and we could traumatize the kids at any second now, come on.”

Jen gets up suddenly, gripping Judy’s thighs and lifting her up while the brunette giggles, burying her face in her girlfriend’s neck.

**_— day ten_ **

Judy watches as Jen kneels down to set up the karaoke machine.

This one was Henry’s idea. Jen was struggling to come up with something to do on Thursday, after Judy came back from work, that wouldn’t require a whole day of planning. As much as she’d love to fulfill every single one of her son’s wishes, she really accepted it as a last resort.

They invited Shandy over, because Henry asked and Judy didn’t mind. So, they’re all waiting to see if Jen manages to start the machine that hasn’t been used in, at least, six months.

“Mrs. Harding?”

“I already told you that you can call me Jen, honey.”

The girl ignores her, “Did you know that telling scary ghost stories was an old Christmas tradition?”

Jen feigns interest, “ _ really _ , Shandy?”, still working on getting the machine to function.

“If you want, I can tell you the one about the company that had many incidents with workers being incinerated, and when they tossed the foreman into a furnace in revenge.”

Judy widens her eyes while Jen looks weirded out, “I think I’ll pass, honey, thanks.”

“I have many more and-“

“Look! I’m done.”, she gets up and sees the kids walk quickly to find a song to sing — Shandy drops the subject as quickly as she started, completely undeterred.

She stands beside Judy, who hugs her waist, “you afraid of ghost stories?”

“Ha. No.”, Jen snorts. “But Henry has a history of having nightmares, and I’d rather sleep for an entire night, as much as I love him.”

“You look hot when fixing stuff.”, Judy whispers in her ear.

She rolls her eyes, “you think I look hot all the time.”

“Because you do.”, the brunette pecks her neck softly.

“Ma, come pick a song!”

Judy grins.

Henry has taken into calling Judy “ _ ma _ ”. It started as “ _ mum _ ”, but the difference between that and Jen’s classic “ _ mom _ ” wasn’t actually clear — she also thought that they couldn’t be “ _ mom _ ” and “ _ mommy _ ” because the latter wouldn’t last long with Henry’s increasing age —, so he came up with something else.

It warms her heart every time.

“Holiday songs only.”, he states.

“Okay, it could be… ‘ _ Santa baby _ ’, maybe?”

Jen throws herself on the couch with a scoff, “of course you’d pick fucking ‘ _ Santa baby _ ’.”

Judy narrows her eyes at her, “it’s the only one I know the lyrics to.”

“Which tells me  _ a lot _ about you.”, she smirks ironically, adjusting her blazer.

The melody starts before Judy’s soft voice fills the room. If she steals a glance at Jen when singing, “ _ been an awful good girl _ ”, that’s just a coincidence the kids won’t acknowledge.

Jen has her eyes closed while hearing the rest of the song — almost ready to fall asleep —, she only opens when Judy starts singing the outro. The brunette has a knowing look in her eyes, a smirk on her lips, and a light sway of her shoulders to the rhythm.

“(...)  _ forgot to mention one little thing, a ring _ -“, Judy winks, “ _ and I don’t mean on the phone _ …”

When the melody fades, Jen nods at her, pursing her lips teasingly, “do I have to get you a ring now?”

Her girlfriend throws herself on her lap, “I mean, that’s up to you, really.”

They watch Henry and Shandy do a — God forgive her —  _ poor _ rendition of “ _ Baby it’s cold outside _ ”, while trying to encourage them instead of laughing, but the way Henry is so excited about it, prompting Shandy to follow along, and the girl can’t care less about the acting part of the performance is hilarious, to say the least.

After they finish, Judy tries to convince Jen to sing.

“No, Jude.”

The brunette pouts and gives Jen her best puppy eyes, “please-y?”

“Baby,  _ no _ . And besides, what would I even sing?”

“Like, that Grinch song.”

“You’ve got to let the Grinch thing go, Judy, seriously, it was  _ one _ book.”

“ _ And _ a movie.  _ And _ because you remind me of him.”

“That’s a hell of a fucking compliment,  _ sweetie _ , thank you.”, she comments sarcastically.

“Come  _ on _ , Jen! We were supposed to do these things together.”

“God, Judy, fine.”, Jen rolls her eyes, but she’s not  _ actually _ upset. Maybe just the slightest bit annoyed. “Hand me the fucking mic, but I am  _ not _ getting up.”

Judy squeals in delight and asks Henry to bring her the microphone. Shandy presses buttons until she finds “ _ You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch _ ” and the melody fills their ears.

Jen starts singing and Judy just keeps beaming at her, as if she’s giving her the entire world.

“’ _ Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul, mr. Grinch… I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole _ ’…”, Jen frowns, “is this what you think of me?”, and continues singing a second later.

Judy slaps her shoulder and kisses her nose.

By the end, Judy is still grinning at her. She gets a kiss on the cheek and rolls her eyes, trying to contain a smile of her own.

Then, Henry wants to do a  _ solo _ . So the three women — two women and one girl? — sit on the couch to cheer him on. He picks “Last Christmas”, explains that it’s because it fits the tone of his voice, and starts singing, focusing on making as many points as he can.

Shandy sits in between the two older women, and Jen doesn’t even bat an eyelash because, as morbid as that girl can be, she actually kind of likes her.


	3. 11 through 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “‘Thanks for today.’
> 
> ‘Of course.’, she smiles. ‘Did you have a good time?’
> 
> ‘I always do with you.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was probably my favorite chapter to write but it took *so* long  
> hope you enjoy <3  
> (i know that technically to do what they’re doing on day 11 they’d have to get a background check but it’s my story so i make the rules)

**_— day eleven_ **

“Jen, I’m so happy we’re doing this!”

“You know, when I signed us up for it I didn’t know we’d have to be wearing _this_.”, Jen turns around in a Santa’s helper costume, wearing a scowl on her face.

“But you look so adorable.”, Judy walks closer and holds one of her girlfriend’s hands.

“This skirt is too fucking short.”

“It’s literally mid thigh, come on, you have _great_ legs.”

They’re dressed alike. Both in red off-the-shoulder dresses with white fur adorning the seams. Jen wears a black belt and over the knee boots, while Judy has a thinner belt and knee-high white socks, paired with black shoes.

The blonde had refused to put on the Santa’s hat before getting to the hospital.

“Well, you two look festive.”, Charlie comments as they reach the living room.

“Aw, thanks!”, Judy beams while Jen offers a much colder “weren’t you supposed to be at school right now?”

“Math teacher was sick, so they let us come home earlier.” Jen opens her mouth to answer, but he beats her to it, “don’t worry, I won’t forget to pick up Henry.”

“Good. Then help us take these bags to the car, will you?”

Visiting a Children’s Hospital was one of the ideas that excited Jen but also made her incredibly nervous.

She’s happy to be bringing them gifts and playing Santa’s Helper for a day, but with her history of spending a lot of her childhood visiting her mom in the hospital, she’s not sure if her heart can handle spending time with sick kids.

Judy is excited. Maybe that can help.

Jen can smell the sterilization of the place. Somehow it’s always the same, the cold air with a hint of sickness — or, really, just sadness. There’s a small party happening for the kids, the ones that are healthy enough to leave their rooms, on the pediatric floor. The nurse walking them over said that they previously told the kids that Santa sent helpers earlier because they’ve been so nice this year — it was really the only day they managed to get all the kids to be there.

Judy beams when she sees the kids squeal in excitement. She hugs the toddlers who run up to her and kneels to help them open the big red bag she’s carrying.

They both give out some gifts and while Judy plays with the kids, Jen says she’s going to take the other toys to the children who couldn’t make it to the gathering. So, a nurse leads her to the pediatric oncology ward. Her heart rate increases a little bit, but she thought she’d feel worse.

There are children getting chemotherapy in a room. Some of them seem new to the whole thing, their heads with hair, their eyes a little lost, and others look like they’re used to it, not caring about the needle or having bald heads under beanies. They’re almost all under twelve, but she sees one teenager.

Her heart aches a little, but she smiles at them.

“Hi!”, she says with a forced grin and almost all of the kids answer her, the others just offer tight lipped smiles — she doesn’t blame them. “Santa asked me to bring you guys some presents early, then he’ll bring some more on Christmas, how does that sound?”

Jen walks around, kneeling down and letting them pick their presents, talking to them and desperately trying to make them laugh, at least for a few seconds. The teenager is a little harder to win over, but she manages, with her small to nonexistent knowledge of social media that Charlie provided her — her inability to get a name right makes him smile at her.

She visits some other kids in their individual rooms, sits with them so their parents can go to the cafeteria to eat, hears them talk about school and friends, and tells them about her own kids, about how she imagines that staying in the hospital must be so boring, adding that Santa only sent her because he knows that they’ve been so good all year.

Once she’s back to where Judy is — her heart a little warmer, filled with a little more love —, she sees her girlfriend whisper something in a boy’s ear and point at her. He comes running in her direction and jumps, so she lifts him up and holds him on her hip while he hugs her tightly around the neck.

Maybe she almost cries.

Maybe she definitely wants another kid.

He asks her, then, when she’s closer to Judy, “are you two really girlfriends?”

Jen widens her eyes, but Judy just nods at her.

“Uh, yes, we are.”

“Is Santa okay with that?”

“He is, for sure.”, she assures him.

“You can tell her what you told me.”, the brunette smiles at him.

“I think my sister has a girlfriend. She’s fourteen. Are you sure Santa won’t think she’s bad?”

Jen’s eyes tear up. She holds the boy’s hand.

“I’m sure.”, she nods. “He’ll be happy to hear about that. I mean, look at us, he loves us too, he just wants everyone to be happy. I promise.”

Judy kisses her cheek and walks away, sits with a little girl to play LEGO. Jen keeps that boy in her arms as long as she can.

A little later, she looks over to Judy, sitting on the ground, laughing with a few kids around her, completely full of joy, her eyes shining, and she _knows_ that she has to make that woman a mother again.

The brunette looks at her and smiles even wider, blows her a kiss and winks.

***

Stopping at a red light, Jen reaches to lay a hand on Judy’s thigh and look at her for a second.

“You know, I’ve been thinking.”

“That’s a little dangerous.”

Jen laughs softly, stepping on the gas again once the light turns green, “this is good, I promise.”

“Mhm?”

“Charlie is going to college next year, the house will be a little empty, and I know how much you wanna help kids who were in a similar situation as you… So, I was thinking that maybe we could register to be foster parents, if you’d like.”

Silence. She tries stealing a glance over at Judy but her face is unreadable.

“I mean, I know they’d have to do a background check, so we shouldn’t get our hopes up or anything. But we could file for an expungement of the record of that car I smashed up, and, maybe, I don’t know… _Try_?”

It starts to make her anxious, then, the lack of response.

“Jude, angel, I can’t look at you right now, so if you could please just give me an answer? Maybe a hum, so I know that you’re okay?”

“Jen.”

The blonde audibly sighs in relief, but her voice is still not telling her much.

“Is that a ‘yes, we could try’ _Jen_ or a ‘no, our relationship is done’ _Jen_?”

Judy snickers, “pull over.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”, she gestures nervously.

Jen complies.

“Of course it’s a yes, Jen, oh my God! I just hate that you brought this up when I couldn’t hug and kiss you.”, Judy grins, doing exactly as she said.

Jen holds her face and smiles at her.

If Santa is not proud of them, then he’s very welcome to go fuck himself.

**_— day twelve_ **

“Do you wanna take this blanket too?”

“If you want.”, Jen shrugs.

Judy is excited for this one. Henry is at a sleepover, Charlie is at his girlfriend’s house, and they’re going to sleep in the backyard. Thankfully, the weather cooperated, and there’s a light breeze outside. They’ve set up a tent and Judy made pizza, totally unprompted, and Jen appreciated the enthusiasm.

“This is nice.”, Judy hums while sitting down on the rug Jen placed in front of their tent.

Jen lays the pizza on a small wooden table, “it is.”

“Did you like this recipe? I tried something new.”

“Did you put cilantro in the sauce?”

“Of course not, I know you hate it.”

“Then I liked it.”, Jen smiles and kisses her girlfriend’s chin.

Judy giggles in response.

“How did you come up with all of these things for us to do?”

The blonde frowns, “uh, some of them I got from the internet, some are just traditional holiday shit, and a few are things I’ve always wanted to do with you.”

“I’ve never had someone care this much about a present for me.”

“I know.”, Jen smiles lovingly. “But you deserve it. Besides, I’ve never had it either. My dad tried but things were hard because of my mom, so… I guess this was a little bit for me too.”

“I’m glad you could enjoy it, then.”, Judy snuggles closer, taking another slice from the pizza. “What are we doing tomorrow?”

The older woman rolls her eyes, “we haven’t even finished today yet, Judy.”

“But I’m curious!”

“Stay curious.”

“ _Noo_ !”, Judy whines. “Please? Pretty please?”, she pouts, giving Jen _those_ eyes she can’t say no to.

“It has to do with one of the houses we went to see. But that’s _all_ you get.”, she warns, fighting a smile.

“You can’t resist me. I’ll have my answer today, you’ll see.”

“In your dreams, Hale. It didn’t take me this long to prepare everything just so you could ruin it.”

“Ooh! Did you make time for Karen’s party on the seventeenth?”

Jen makes a disgusted face, “yeah. I kind of had to.”

“It might be fun!”, she tries, but the blonde shakes her head. “No? Okay.”

“But _this_ is fun.”, she pecks Judy on the lips. “Ew, you taste like anchovies.”

Judy laughs, “yeah? What did you expect, silly?”, she shakes her head. “I’m gonna go grab the pie.”

They eat pie and talk to the point where they’re laughing as if they’re high.

Talking has always been easy with Judy, Jen knows. Since that first day on the beach she’s been able to let loose with her in a way that seemed impossible with anyone else. Dating her is just their friendship but with the benefit of getting to kiss the brunette whenever she wants, something she definitely doesn’t wanna lose. And it’s so, so easy. It doesn’t matter if they’re talking about stupid shit or if they’re having a deep conversation, Jen doesn’t feel the need to hold back, to keep herself from opening up. Because it’s _Judy_. And she loves Judy more than she ever thought she could love anyone other than her kids.

“You know which one is that?”, Judy asks, pointing to the sky.

The ground feels uncomfortable under her back, but her hand in Judy’s makes everything seem so much easier.

“Jude, I don’t know shit about stars.”, Jen snickers. “Do you?”

“No.”, she purses her lips. “I love stargazing but I don’t know any names or anything.”

“I thought you knew everything about the universe.”

“No, Jen. I just let it _rule_ me.”, she gestures her hands widely, indicating… _whatever_.

“I might have to get jealous of it, then?”

The younger woman giggles, “shut up.”

“You really don’t know the constellations?”

“Nope. But I always wanted to.”

Jen shrugs with a hum, “maybe we can look into it later.”

“Really?”, Judy widens her eyes.

“Of course. But not now, because _now_ I wanna spend time with you.” She rolls over, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend’s waist and laying her head on her chest.

“You think Charlie has lost his virginity yet?”

“Judy!”, Jen complains.

“ _What_?! I know he was with Parker in the car but he never actually confirmed it, you know? And I worry about him.”

“About him getting warts?”

“No! Just him.”

“I know, baby, I know.” She lifts her head to look at Judy, “but I don’t wanna think about our kid not being a virgin anymore right now, okay?”

“Fine.”

The silence only lasts a few seconds.

“You think Henry’s gonna be straight?”

“For fuck’s sake, Judy!”

Judy laughs loudly, “I’m sorry! Can’t we talk about them?”

“We could be doing other things.”

“Come on, Jen! Just answer me.”

“Jude, until I met you I thought I was straight, so I don’t think I’m the best person to tell you that.”

“Jen, _please_. You were the one who noticed I liked Michelle in the first place.”

“Wow, thanks for reminding me of you two.”, Jen states sarcastically, head propped up by her left arm.

“ _So_ , what do you think?”

“I don’t think he’s straight. But he’s eleven and I don’t want him to grow up so can we please just-?”, she gestures around a little.

“ _Okay_.” Judy smirks, “you wanna go inside?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

The inside of the tent is way more comfortable than Jen had anticipated. She may have put everything together, but was never actually sure of how _okay_ to sleep it would be — considering their age and her fucked up back. However, Charlie helped with placing the guest house mattress inside the tent, and with hanging fairy lights. Besides, it’s quite spacious if she thinks about it.

They lie under a blanket together. Jen plays with a plastic mistletoe while hearing Judy talk about a new painting she started and smiles without noticing.

“You plan on hanging that up?”, Judy points to the mistletoe and then to their fabric ceiling.

“I had a better idea.”

Jen holds the mistletoe above her stomach. Judy raises her eyebrows and she just nods.

The brunette moves to straddle her girlfriend before moving down her body a little. When she lifts up Jen’s shirt to expose just her abdomen, she notices how her chest rises with the intake of air.

Jen feels a warm kiss being placed on her skin and moves the mistletoe further away, letting it hover over the area below her navel. Another kiss makes goosebumps rise and her hips buck the slightest bit.

***

“I was thinking-“

“The _Nutcracker_ house?!”, Judy almost yells.

“You’re gonna destroy my braid if you keep moving like that.”, Jen complains, pulling a little on Judy’s hair so she’ll stay quiet.

It’s almost midnight, and Judy said she wanted to sleep in braids, so Jen sat behind her to do her hair.

“But is it?”

“Is it what?”

“The thing we’re doing tomorrow! Does it have to do with the Nutcracker? ‘Cause I just remembered you told me to pay attention to that one.”

“I should’ve kept my fucking mouth shut.”

“Just tell me!”

“Jude, we’re going to sleep and it’ll barely feel like any time has passed before you can open your next paper, okay?”, she finishes tying Judy’s second braid. “Now let’s go, I’m exhausted.”

“Alright, fine.”, Judy pouts.

“Come on, angel, don’t be so dramatic.”

Jen lifts her arm and Judy snuggles close to her, basically gluing herself to her girlfriend.

She turns the fairy lights off and drifts to sleep hearing the sound of the pool moving outside and Judy’s soft little snores inside.

**_— day thirteen_ **

“Which dress should I wear?”, Judy lifts up two hangers as she purses her lips in doubt.

“The red one.”, Jen answers before sitting down to put her heels on.

They’re watching the Nutcracker ballet. Judy didn’t manage to figure out before she opened the paper, but she’s glad she didn’t, the surprise always adds a little more to the fun.

“Are you sure this is good enough?”

“Yes, Jude, you look beautiful. Now sit so I can do your hair.”

Judy learned the night before that Jen used to do all of her own hairstyles for classes or recitals, at least since she was old enough to do them herself. Now, she wants to ask her girlfriend to do her hair in every opportunity she can, and Jen doesn’t even mind — Judy’s hair is probably the softest thing she’s ever touched. She’s rusty, she admits, having two boys didn’t give her the freedom to practice anymore, but she can work her way around french braids or a nice bun.

“Baby, for fuck’s sake stop moving around.”

“Sorry, sorry!”, Judy squeals. “I’m just so excited!”

Jen chuckles softly, “I know.” _Just wait until tomorrow_ , she thinks. “You still want the half up wrapped braids?”

“Yes, please.”, she grins. “There’s still pie in the fridge, if you want to eat before we leave.”

“Ooh, _nice_. Now I’m happy to go.”

“I thought this was for you too.”

“Yeah, I mean- No, right. Yes. Yes, it is.”, Jen stammers a little and sighs, finishing up Judy’s hair and turning her chair around to peck her lips.

“What’s on your mind?”

She shrugs, “nothing.”

“ _Jen_. Just tell me.”, Judy places her hand over one of Jen’s, pulling her to sit on her lap.

“I just haven’t watched anything related to dance in a long time. I guess it just reminds me of what life could’ve been.”

The brunette caresses her thigh comfortingly before intertwining her fingers with Jen’s, “you’ve built a great life. And I _know_ that this wasn’t always the plan, but you’ve got two beautiful kids, you can always go back to that class and, besides, you have me.”, she smiles.

Jen laughs, “conceived much?”

“Just to get that smile out of you.”

She gives Judy a lasting soft kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Now come on, Jude, I promised you ballet and we’re gonna watch some ballet.”

***

The theater is cold, Judy feels herself shivering a little under her thin cardigan. Jen has her left hand in hers and is checking emails on her phone before they turn the lights off. She rests her head on the blonde’s shoulder and plays with the lone ring on her middle finger absentmindedly, comparing how Jen’s hand looks empty compared to her own, adorned with more rings than she can care to count.

She likes how different they are.

“You cold?”, Jen whispers to her and she notices she didn’t even see the lights go out.

“Just a little bit, it’s okay.”

Judy feels Jen shifting so she sits up correctly in time to see her girlfriend drape her blazer over her shoulders. She wraps her left arm around Judy and switches to hold her hand with her right instead.

“You didn’t have to-“

“I know.”

The lights dim even more so the theater is pitch black. There’s a single spotlight on the stage and Judy’s eyes shine with wonder.

She barely feels the next hour and a half go by. Everything catches her attention, every single movement, element on stage and change of background. The music helps enrapture her in a way she only thought happened when she looked at Jen — who Judy could swear had tears in her eyes every once in a while.

By the end, when everyone is dancing in front of a pink scenery from the Enchanted land, Judy doesn’t think she’s the same person now that she’s watched this spectacle. The dancers leave the stage and the lights are turned on but she’s just left there, mesmerized.

“Come on, we have dinner reservations.” Jen gets up, but when Judy doesn’t move, she sits back down, “is everything okay?”

Judy looks at her, “yeah! Yes, that was just very… um-“

“You can say what you really thought of it.”

“Thanks, honey, it was _amazing_! So beautiful, I’ve never seen something like that before, I couldn’t stop staring at everyone.”

Jen chuckles, “it _is_ a nice show.”

They walk hand in hand to the restaurant. It’s not too far and the streets are not crowded. Judy holds onto Jen’s blazer with her free hand and does endearing little skips sometimes, hums a tune from the ballet or just asks for Jen’s input on the dance.

“You okay?”, Judy asks through a mouthful of pasta minutes later.

The blonde smiles with a hint of a laugh, “yeah.”

She swallows her food, “are you _sure_?”, traces her fingertips up Jen’s arm.

“Mhm. I love seeing you happy.”

“I want you to be happy too!”

“Trust me, baby, I am.”, Jen winks and takes a sip of wine. “I’m not upset or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Okay…”, Judy thinks for a second. “How do you actually feel about Christmas?”

“What do you mean?”, Jen smiles with a frown, “You think I’d be doing all of this if I didn’t like Christmas?”

“I have a feeling you’re trying to create good memories.”, she intertwines her fingers with Jen’s, “And I really appreciate it because mine weren’t the best. But I think this is for you, too.”

“My mom passed around Christmas. On the twenty-second.” She takes a deep breath, “I guess I’m trying to not think about it, and she was the one who always encouraged me to dance so… I think it just added up.”, takes a bite of her fish, “But I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to be fine.”

“Jude, look.”, Jen puts her fork down and looks up. “You know that I love you, and I know that you want me to feel what I need to feel and open up and all of that shit, but… can we just wait? I need to get through these days and we can get all sad on the twenty-second, okay? _Please_.”

Judy nods and squeezes her hand, “okay.”

“Thank you.”

They keep eating. Judy turns the conversation to a lighter topic, sensing Jen’s discomfort, and everything is going smoothly until she remembers something.

“Oh my God!”

“What?!”, Jen widens her eyes in shock.

“I love you too! I forgot to say it back.”

She laughs, “fuck, Judy, don’t do that. I almost had a heart attack.”

“Sorry. But I _do_!”

“I know, sweetie, I know.”

**_— day fourteen_ **

They pick up the boys from school and Judy can’t stop moving in her seat.

“Is this really happening? I can’t believe this is happening!”, she squeals from the passenger side.

“Hey now, I didn’t promise you anything. We’re just going to spend time with them.”

“Yeah sure, mom.”, Charlie scoffs. “Like you can say no to Judy.

“That _is_ true.”, Judy agrees with a smirk.

“What is this- are you two teaming up against me? Is Henry the only one on my side?”

“Henry’s asleep, mom, I don’t think he’ll be a great help.”

“Fuck you too, I guess.”

The shelter is not far from their house, so it doesn’t take long for them to arrive and Judy skip happily with Henry to the door — Jen always had a hard time waking him up when he used to sleep in the car, she doesn’t know if it’s easier now because he’s growing up or because of Judy’s presence.

There’s a space for the dogs when they first walk in. A man walks them through the wide hall, indicating and telling a few of the animals’ backstories. Jen’s heart hurts that they can’t take them all.

“Around the Holidays there are more people coming in but not many end up taking them home, so it’d be really great if you guys chose to.”, the man explains while walking. She can see how Judy and Henry are pointing excitedly at every dog they see.

“Can we get close to them? I mean, to see what they’re like?”, Judy asks, stopping to pay attention to the guy — Jen knows now his name is Gabriel, it’s written on his shirt, and he looks about twenty.

“Of course! Just tell me which ones you wanna see and I’ll open the gate.”

Jen can identify a few breeds around the place, others just look mixed.

She can tell that Judy has been eyeing one specific dog since they arrived, so she steps closer to her, “you wanna look at that one, Judes?”

Judy nods happily.

They learn it’s a boy, his name is Shawn, and he is almost two years old. Gabriel says they’re not sure about his breed, but that he’s probably a mix of Shepherd with Labrador Retriever. His fur is brown, he has big, pointy ears and a constantly moving tail. Apparently he’s friendly with everyone — the trait is confirmed when he jumps on Jen once they cross the gate to meet him.

She laughs, “oh, God.”

“Hi, Shawn!”, Henry smiles, petting the dog’s head.

“When was he born?”, Judy asks.

“May 18th of last year.”

“Oh my God, Jen, he’s a Taurus!”

“Are you seriously telling me about the zodiac sign of a _dog_?”

Judy smiles, undeterred, “we’re both compatible with Taurus! I think he’d be great with us.”

“He does look great, mom.”, Charlie agrees, kneeling down to throw him a bone.

When he comes back, he licks Jen’s cheek.

“ _Fuck_ , fine! He’s adorable.”, she states while cleaning her own cheek with her hand.

Gabriel smiles at them, “so, I just need to ask you a few questions before we let him go, can you please come inside with me?”

“Sure.”, Jen gets up. “You three just stay and make him feel welcome.”, she gestures, following their guide right after.

The questions are about their current life and history with pets, to see if they can offer an appropriate home for the puppy. It doesn’t take long, she ends up paying a small adoption fee and getting tips on which food he likes best and what kind of bed he sleeps in.

When she leaves the office, she sees her three people standing and whispering some feet away. She can’t understand what they’re saying, but they’re close to a few kittens inside cages, apparently discussing something.

“Everything okay?”, Jen asks and Judy turns to her abruptly. “I thought you’d still be with the dogs.”

“You know, _honey_ , we were thinking.”

“Oh no…”, she deadpans, “what do you want?”

Judy takes a step to the side so Jen can see a kitten in Charlie’s arms, “look at him! His name is Gaspar, and he’s only six weeks old.” She takes the kitten from their oldest’s arms and cradles him in her own. “You know, the other lady said that sometimes they spend time together, because he escaped once and Shawn saved him, so they cuddle to sleep if they put them together.”

“Hm… and?”

“What do you mean ’ _and_ ’?”

“You can’t _possibly_ be asking for us to take a cat, too.”

“Why not?! You know I’m a cat person!”, Judy whines.

“Which I still don’t understand because you have the personality of a Golden Retriever.”, Jen pokes Judy’s nose.

She smiles, “will you just look at him? _Please-y_?!”, and pouts.

The blonde lowers herself to look at Gaspar. He’s mostly grey, with a tiny white face and white belly and paws. His big eyes are closed while he sleeps peacefully in Judy’s arms — he _is_ fucking cute.

“God, Judy. What are you doing to me?”

“Is that a yes?”, Judy asks carefully.

“And can I say no to you and your fucking puppy eyes?”, she rolls her eyes at herself.

Judy squeals, as Henry celebrates and she just turns back to Gabriel to pay _another_ fee.

***

“Why were you so focused on Shawn when we got there?”, Jen asks, leaning back against the headboard to watch Judy put on her Christmas themed sweatpants.

“Um… you’re gonna think it’s silly.”, she takes her bra off and puts on a white tank top.

Their new puppy is sleeping soundly on the bed they brought from the shelter, in a corner near the dresser. They’ve set up a warm little bed for the kitten, but he chose to sleep next to Shawn instead.

“Probably.”, Jen teases. “But I’ll also think it’s endearing.”

Judy plops down onto the mattress, gets under the covers and uses Jen’s stomach as a pillow, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. The blonde starts running her fingers through soft brown locks.

“When I was a kid and we were living in our car, there was this dog that kept me company sometimes.”, she starts talking softly. “My mom always used to park around the same neighborhood, so I’d see him wandering around. I never knew what happened to him but he kept me sane for a while, you know?”

“Mhm…”

“Anyway, Shawn looks a lot like him. They just have different eye colors, but I guess it was what pulled me to him.”

“Got it.”

“Is it silly?”, Judy looks up, her eyes shining under Jen’s.

She smiles, “not at all.” After a beat, she speaks up again, “can you move so I can hold you?”

“No.”, Judy mumbles.

“ _No_?”

“You’re comfy. And warm.”, she sighs. “And I can hear your stomach moving. Do you think my pie is still in there?”

Jen scrunches up her nose, “ _ew_ , Judy! Don’t be gross.”

“It’s a valid question.”

”Yeah, I bet.”

**_— day fifteen_ **

“Is this a Christmas tradition or was it just an excuse for you to get a massage?”, Judy asks, still under the shower while Jen shaves her legs.

“It can become a tradition if we do it every year.”, she winks.

“So, second option?”

“Well, I thought we could _both_ enjoy it, but if you want, I can go by myself. Maybe the masseuse will be hot.”, Jen smiles ironically.

“Yeah, no, I think I won’t pass on that. Can’t risk losing you to a twenty year old.”

“Aw, that’s so nice, baby.”

“Of course.”, Judy turns the water off and starts drying herself with a towel while Jen finishes up everything.

When the blonde is done, she gets up and puts her robe on, “I’m gonna bring you a glass of white, okay?”

Judy smiles and nods gratefully.

***

Judy thinks the spa smells like Blue Cedar and Lavender, maybe with a hint of another flower she can’t quite place; Jen just thinks it smells clean, like the perfume she sprays on the furniture before a house showing.

They both lie down on the tables, ditching their robes. Judy is naked from the waist up and lying on her stomach; Jen lies in the same way but keeps her bra on.

Jen read that couples massages help with bonding and affection, though she’s pretty much just interested in the lady who will be loosening up her back. Judy seems excited, she’d said that morning that Steve always sent her to get massages by herself when he wanted to get rid of her for the day, but this she will probably enjoy, especially with company.

“Hi, ladies. I’m Anna and this is Sabrina. We’ll be your therapists today.”, a soothing voice comes from the door after a minute.

The blonde thinks she might’ve slept for a few minutes. The hands on her are nothing compared to Judy’s, but they make great work to relax her, maybe a bit too much — if she lets out an involuntary low moan, she’s not gonna dwell on it because: a) it probably happens all the time, and b) Judy did it too — more than once.

She tries not to look over to her side much. Seeing Judy covered in oil would not help her situation, so she just stares at the table underneath her or closes her eyes. Her phone is outside, there’s nothing to distract her except for the soft music filling the room, her mind wanders more than she’d like to let it.

December is always a hard month. She guesses she’s not alone in that feeling, it probably is for Judy too, which is why she wanted to do something to make it better, not only for a day or two, but for the whole month — or, at least, until Christmas.

When she came up with the idea, she was having a terrible day at work, and thinking of Judy was always an escape from those kind of days, so she started planning everything they could do: she brainstormed countless things she always wanted to do with the kids or by herself, wrote down others she’d love to do with Judy, and picked a few classic traditions to make sure that her girlfriend had the best anticipation for the big day. It wasn’t just supposed to be a month filled with winter activities, but twenty five days of things for them to do _together_ , to be reminded of why they work so well and how much they appreciate each other’s company. Jen is glad it’s been working out so perfectly.

After the session ends, another woman guides them to a secluded outdoor lounging area with a fire to warm them up. There is champagne and a plate with chocolate covered strawberries; Judy gasps excitedly.

“You really went all out, didn’t you?”

“Only the best for you.”, Jen kisses Judy’s lips quickly before settling on the couch.

“You didn’t spend too much, right?”

“If we have it, I say we spend it.”

“Jen! You really should start watching your expenses and-“

Jen cuts her off with a kiss, pulling her closer by the neck and deepening it rather quickly with her tongue. The kiss itself is languid, she tangles her fingers in brown hair while the brunette wraps her arms lazily around her neck, scratching the back of it every once in a while.

When Jen pulls back, she’s in awe of the disheveled image of Judy in front of her, “let’s not talk money today, okay?”

Judy just nods, pulling her by the neck again and pressing their lips together.

***

Back home, they’re wobbly on their feet, so they only say goodnight to the boys before making their way to their room to change.

Once they’re done, they fall to the bed without a word. The sound the mattress makes prompts Judy to giggle, so Jen follows along.

“God, I’m not even drunk, what did they put in those strawberries?”

“It’s the _oxytocin_ , baby.”, Jen slurs her words.

“The what?”

“Oxytocin. The love hormone or some shit.”, she turns to stare at Judy. “I read that our body might release it because of a massage.”

“Look at you, all smart.”, Judy giggles, but she’s proud.

“Hey, I was a straight A student, Hale. I know my shit.”

“The only thing straight about you.”, she winks.

Jen pushes her girlfriend’s face away, “fuck off.”

“Thanks for today.”

“Of course.”, she smiles. “Did you have a good time?”

“I always do with you.”, Judy stretches her arm and flexes her hand, waiting for Jen to grab it. She does. “Now I need to sleep.”

“Fuck, _me too_.”

They settle in their usual position — Judy practically on top of Jen, hugging her like a koala bear —, and Jen turns off the lights.

“Love you.”, Judy mumbles, already half asleep.

“Love you too, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil shawn puppy and gaspar kitten are actual animals available for adoption on aspca :(


	4. 16 through 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “‘We can’t- How are you- I’m wearing a jumpsuit, it’ll be hell to take off. How do you plan on doing anything to me when I’m in this?’, she pulls at the fabric a bit.
> 
> ‘Who said anything about doing something to you?’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this coming out today is just a miracle ! and there’s so much dialogue, sorreh  
> hope you enjoy <3  
> (ps.: i read that christmas markets usually open in the first week of december bUT i really wanted to write this and again, its fanfiction so i make the rules :D)

**_— day sixteen_ **

“Is this enough flour?”, Jen lifts up two sacks.

Judy laughs, “yes, more than enough.”

“Oh, before I forget, you need to tell Henry to stop giving biscuits to the dog all the time.”, she sits up on a stool. “He gave him almost the entire packet in one day!”

“Why don’t  _ you _ tell him?”

“Well, I’m already the evil parent to Charlie, don’t need my baby thinking that of me too.”

The brunette raises her eyebrows with an amused grin, “oh, so I should be the bad parent to the other one?”

“Jude, if Henry could, he’d tell everyone he came out of your uterus — if he doesn’t already.”, Jen purses her lips in thought. “Anyway, he could never think of you as mean.”

“He loves you too, you know?”, she reassures, and maybe Jen did need to hear it.

“He has to, I mean, I  _ made _ him.”

“Hey now! Not everyone has to love their biological moms just because of science, okay? He loves you because you’re great.”, Judy smiles.

“Mmkay... Are you gonna start these cookies or not?”

“Alright, boss.”, she teases. “Grab me that clear bowl, please.”

Jen does as she’s asked, watches as Judy mixes the dry ingredients first. She mostly looks at her, sitting across the island and laying her chin on her own palms.

“I thought we were doing this together.”

“I can’t bake, Jude. It’s possible that if I touch it, it’s going to rot right in front of our eyes.”

“Oh come on, Jen, don’t be lazy.”, Judy dips a finger in the flour and boops Jen’s nose, smiling innocently right after.

“God, Judy.”, Jen wipes the flour off her nose and stands up, putting her hair in a bun before coming up behind the brunette to hug her waist. “Can’t I just stay here?”, she lays her chin on Judy’s shoulder.

The shorter woman giggles, “you’re getting in my way.”

Jen mock-gasps, “am I? Guess I’ll just leave then…”

“No! No, no.”, Judy pulls her arms back around her waist and turns her head a little to kiss her jawline. “Stay. But please help? I think it’ll be fun.”

“Okay, fine.”, she squeezes Judy again before untangling.

Jen whisks the dry ingredients together while Judy takes care of the wet ones — she thinks it’s safer. They don’t actually make a big mess, Judy is actually impressed with how much Jen cares about tidying up everything the second after they use it, wiping the counter and washing bowls as she finishes with them.

They leave the dough to cool in the fridge and when it’s time to cut, Jen opens the drawer where she had stored all their new Christmas items shaped cookie cutters.

“Here’s you!”, Jen exclaims after giving a girl shaped cookie hair and bangs.

Judy laughs, “you’re such an artist.”

She scrunches up her nose, “thanks.”

“Do you! Oh, and the boys! Do we have animal shaped ones?”, the brunette goes on while rummaging through the drawers.

“Chill, sweetie.”, Jen chuckles. “I’ll do me and the boys, but there’s no way I can do our pets with dough. Maybe you could give it a try.”

Just as she’s saying it, they watch their kitten slowly walk on the back of the couch, pawing carefully on the cushions. They laugh for a second, and don’t expect it when he jumps on the center table and knocks over a ceramic plate and a hay basket.

Jen groans, “shit.”

“It’s okay, I got this! Just put the trays in the oven and set the timer to fifteen minutes.”, Judy reassures, always the one to soothe Jen’s troubles.

They decorate the cookies in red and green icing, sprinkle gold edible glitter on top and Jen gives cookie-Judy a pretty red dress with white polka dots, winning a kiss on the cheek in return.

***

“What time is this meeting again?”, Judy asks from under the covers, rubbing her eyes and watching as Jen picks up her laptop.

“Eleven.”

“God, why is it so late?”

“She’s based in London. Said that the only time she has to talk is at seven, before she starts working.”

“Oh, well…”, she shrugs, grabs a pillow and her light green blanket, getting up a second later.

“What are you doing?”, Jen asks while buttoning her blouse.

“I’m coming with you.”, Judy walks to the door. “I’m not gonna leave you there all alone, what if the monsters catch you?”

The blonde laughs, “and you’ll protect me, huh?”

“Of course.”

They move downstairs and Jen sits at the breakfast nook table as Judy accommodates next to her, lying with her head on her girlfriend’s lap.

“You comfortable?”, she snickers.

“Yes. Your thighs are great, I don’t even need the pillow.”

“Glad to see all my spinning days paid off.”

“Oh, yes. Not only for this.”, Judy closes her eyes and comments dreamily.

Jen chuckles, “God, shut up and go to sleep, she’s calling me already.”

“Goodnight, Jen.”

“Night, sweetie.”

She goes on with her meeting, running her fingers through brown hair, and suppressing chuckles whenever Judy mumbles something incoherently that only she can hear — or so she hopes.

The woman on the other side of the screen talks about her experience in real estate, and Jen wants to listen, she really does, but as she takes a look at the cookie jar on the island, all she can think about is Judy: Judy with the tip of her nose covered in icing, Judy with her hair smelling like vanilla, Judy talking to their cat as if it’s a child,  _ Judy _ . And, honestly, she just wants to get up and take her to bed.

**_— day seventeen_ **

“Judy, come on!”, Jen yells from the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!”, she hears her hiss back.

Jen plops down on the couch and sighs, finishing the rest of her wine in one big gulp. She smoothes the fabric of her dress and grabs her phone to scroll mindlessly while she waits for Judy to finish getting dressed.

“Sorry I took so long! There was a hole in my jumpsuit, I had to sew it together.”, Judy sits next to Jen and smiles tiredly.

“You were sewing up there? Why didn’t you just change your outfit?”

“Look at this, Jen. It’s new! I wasn’t just gonna change it, I bought it  _ especially _ for today.”, she grins proudly and Jen can’t help but smile back at her and kiss her cheek.

“Let’s go, we’re already late.”

“What happened here?”, Charlie asks from the stairs when they’re about to leave.

Jen frowns, “what do you mean?”

“You look like you switched places.”

They look down at themselves and, yes, maybe Judy has to admit that she is usually the one who wears the dresses in the relationship, but she thought her dark blue pantsuit with large white flowers for decoration would be an enough representation of her personality.  _ Jen _ is the one who changed it up. Judy bought her a deep red satin midi dress, with thin straps and a cowl neck, and she paired it with red pumps, so apparently even Charlie noticed that she seems like a different person.

“Well, I think we look really nice.”, Judy reassures, upon seeing the look of uncertainty that flashes through Jen’s face.

“Even if you didn’t, we don’t have time to change anymore. The party started almost two hours ago.”

“Hey, I’m not saying you don’t look good, I was just surprised, that’s all.”, he lifts up his hands and Judy offers him a tight-lipped smile, thankful that he noticed his mom is not on that level of teasing yet.

They’re going to Karen’s party. She called it “ _Karen’s_ _Fancy_ _Holiday_ _Party_ ”, but Jen’s not ceding to that — at least not as sober as she is right now. It started at eight, but Jen said their commute would take literally five minutes, so that Judy could _take her time_ , and it was probably her worst decision that day. The brunette came home from work and took a bath, exfoliated, did her hair and makeup, all as slowly as she could manage. Sure, Jen appreciated the eye candy, talking to her girlfriend in the bathroom while she bathed, with their dog lying on her lap; but all of it just made them take way longer than necessary to actually _arrive_ at Karen’s.

But they do. And when they do, Jen wonders why she chose  _ them _ to befriend when she knows everyone in the neighborhood — besides  _ a lot _ of people that the blonde doesn’t recognize.

“God, who throws a party on a Thursday?”, Jen rolls her eyes before  Karen greets them at the door with a grin, says “I thought you weren’t coming!”, and maybe Jen feels bad, just a little bit, because what impression has she made on the woman so far?

“We wouldn’t miss it.”, she tries with a smile, and Karen beams even brighter.

Judy squeezes her hand. Jen thinks she understands it.

“Honestly, it was kind of my fault.”, Judy comments as their friend walks them inside. “I had a wardrobe malfunction.”

They’re introduced to a few people — Jen fetches herself a drink as quickly as possible —, and surprisingly, Nick is there. Judy tenses up a little, Jen knows that he hasn’t treated her exactly well in the past few months, but maybe he’s over it.

“You two!  _ Again _ .”

Maybe he’s not.

Jen wraps an arm around Judy’s waist while the brunette greets him with a forced smile, “Nick! Hi.”  He only offers Judy a nod.

“Harding.”, he lifts up his beer.

“Prager.”, she lifts her own glass of champagne back to him.

It’s funny, how they always had something in common, an ease to banter. She didn’t know what before, now she thinks it’s ’cause they were  _ both _ in love with Judy. He’s not as fun to talk to now that he’s been rude to  _ her _ Judy, even if he did save her ass when she needed him to.

“So…”, Jen starts, “how do you know Karen?”

“I don’t. Well, not personally, at least. My girlfriend met her in a book club thing?”

“Sounds like something Karen would do.”

Jen notices that he looks at Judy when he says the word “girlfriend”, but her kind smile doesn’t falter, she’s not affected by it. She’s proud of her, likes to think that she had an influence on how Judy portrays herself to the outside world.

“How are you two? Driving safely? Not playing with wooden animals?”

Judy gulps, then, so Jen squeezes her waist.

“We’re good.  _ Really _ good.”, the blonde smiles. “Speaking of which, babe, I’m gonna go grab more champagne, you want a glass?”

“I’ll just come with you! Karen has been dying to tell me about this new  _ banana _ wine?”, Judy shakes her head adorably, “Honestly I’m not so sure, but we should go find her.”

They excuse themselves from Nick and Jen is surprised to know that banana wine is actually a thing. She doesn’t really pay attention to the conversation, sips her champagne and keeps a hand on Judy’s lower back as she studies Karen’s house — she hasn’t been much —, and most of the people. She suspects some of them are internet friends, as Karen calls them, people who she discussed wine with on a blog or something, which Jen thinks is not the safest choice, but, really, who is she to talk? She probably could do worse damage than anyone here. No, not  _ could _ . Has. In the past. No possibility of it happening again if no man tries to grab her — or attempt something against Judy — for a second time this year.

Judy says she wants to go upstairs. Jen is shocked because: a) since when does Judy know Karen’s house?, and b) since when does she have the freedom to just wander around whenever she wants?

She doesn't question it, though. Lets Judy grab her hand and guide her upstairs. They’re not in a particular room, it’s some kind of lounge area — shit, Karen’s rich — with a television and a deep brown couch, accompanied by two armchairs and a fireplace. It opens up in a big balcony, they can see the people walking around the backyard on the first floor.

“You’ve been here before?”, Jen asks, leaning back against the railing.

“Sometimes when you were at work. She’s lonely, you know? But she’s such a lovely person, Jen, honestly. This is not just some _Judy Sunshine_ bullshit, I promise you.”, she giggles. “I’ve been helping her with Tinder.”

Jen pushes herself up and walks closer to Judy, placing her arms on each side of her and trapping her against the railing, “and you know how to use Tinder,  _ why _ , Judy Sunshine ?”

Judy rolls her eyes, so Jen holds her chin — not to hurt, but with a hard grip. Judy’s pupils dilate.

“We’ve been learning together.”, Jen hums in feigned annoyance, nodding. “Not that I’ll have to use it-, trust me, with a woman like this,” she gestures up and down, as best as she can, “I have no time for dating apps.”

Jen presses their lips together. Pulls away before Judy even has time to open her mouth.

“Do you know this house?”, she walks backwards slowly, gesturing a finger around and inspecting their surroundings.

“I guess… Why?”

Jen smiles teasingly, “can you point me to the nearest bathroom with a lock?”

“Jen.”, Judy starts walking after her.

“Hm?”

“We can’t- How are you- I’m wearing a jumpsuit, it’ll be hell to take off. How do you plan on doing anything to me when I’m in this?”, she pulls at the fabric a bit.

“Who said anything about doing something to  _ you _ ?”

Judy gasps jokingly, “you’re gonna let me top?”

“Only cause I’m borderline tipsy. Come before I change my mind.”, Jen stretches out an arm and Judy grabs her hand, walking close behind her and pointing directions.

**_— day eighteen_ **

“Tell me why I’m doing this again?”, Jen pants, wiping some sweat away from her forehead.

Judy laughs, “you chose this.”

“I know.”, she rolls her eyes. “I thought it’d be easier.”

“Come on, Jen! Cheer up! You were a dancer, you work out…”

“First of all, I haven’t danced in ages. And second of all, I run, which is  _ not _ the same as hiking, and I use the bike indoors, where there are no-“, she swats her own leg, “mosquitoes.”

“You’re just exhausting yourself more by talking.”

“I’m never trusting _the Google_ again.”

Judy stops walking and turns around with a smirk, “you’re being whiny.”

“Am  _ not _ !”, Jen, well, whines.

The brunette steps closer and holds one of her hands, “if you want to go back, we can, but I think it’ll be fun to go all the way.”

“Okay, fine. But I need encouragement.”, she taps her own lips with her index finger.

Judy rolls her eyes but presses their lips together, holding Jen by the neck, lingering. Jen prompts her to part her lips but she pulls away.

“Only when you make it up there.”

“Fuck you.”

“I would, but it’s a little too open for that.”, she shrugs.

They walk a little more. Judy holds Jen’s hand through it, points at small animals and different shapes of clouds to help distract her from how much they still have until the top. Jen drinks water like a child and Judy giggles because she remembers how she complained about the way she was drinking  _ that _ night.

The view is already beautiful from where they are, the weather is clear and the sun helps them feel the wind a little less. It’s nice, walking with Jen, Judy thinks, even if she does most of the talking — it’s always like this anyway —, her girlfriend never seems disinterested in what she’s saying, it makes her feel worth it.

“Are we doing Christmas at our house?”, Judy asks. Jen smiles when she hears the word ‘ _ our _ ’, still, after all this time.

“I think so.”, Jen shrugs. “Lorna doesn’t talk to most of Ted’s family so she’ll probably come over.

“Just on the 25th, though, right?”

“Probably, yeah.”, she nods. “Why?”

“Well, I was thinking of making a nice dinner on Christmas eve. Maybe we could invite Charlie’s girlfriend over.”, Judy smiles. “I’m sure he wouldn’t like her to be in the same room as his grandma.”

Jen laughs, “yeah, well, I don’t blame him. It’s a good idea, Jude. What do you wanna make?”

“A meatloaf, maybe? With mashed potatoes.”

“But what about you?”, Jen stops walking, looking concerned.

Judy smiles, “I can cheat, I don’t mind.”

“No, Jude. You should eat something you want to, it’s a family dinner after all.”

“ _ Okay _ , Jen.”, she pulls her to keep walking. “Maybe I could make curry, you know, a portion for one. You wouldn’t like it anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah! And then I’ll just make Turkey for actual Christmas day. I think it could be really great.”

“Anything you make will be great.”, Jen smiles, kisses her cheek and drinks more water.

When they reach their destination, Jen sits on a smooth rock, sighs and wipes a little sweat from her forehead. Judy sits on her lap to look at the view, it’s fairly empty, so she doesn’t mind the closeness.

“We should bring Shawn next time!”

“And torture him with this?” She makes a face, “God, I’ll never forgive you for not letting me change his name.”

Judy laughs, “come on, it wasn’t  _ that _ bad.”

“Yeah, seeing you in those leggings certainly made it worth it.”, she looks Judy up and down, smirking when there’s a pretty blush spreading across her face.

“Shut up.”

The brunette gets up and walks closer to the edge, taking a deep breath and looking over at the waves. She remembers where she first got close with Jen, before their whole shitstorm but also before they got to be  _ more _ . That night when everything seemed simple and they just talked and laughed for hours, right there in front of the waves.

She looks back at Jen, who’s distracted by trying to find something inside their backpack, smiles at the little frown lines on her forehead, at how she bites her lip in concentration. She just  _ loves _ her, so much, probably more than her heart can take, and gladly it doesn’t terrify her anymore, the dimension of the things she’d do or give up for her, knows that Jen literally saved her life, that she would do over and over again if necessary.

Judy doesn’t notice when Jen looks back up, “what are you staring at?”

She walks to her, sits on her lap again, “you.”

“Oh, God, don’t do  _ that _ .”, Jen scrunches up her nose in disgust.

Judy kisses it, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”, she rolls her eyes.

“Thank you.”

“I think you did more work than me today.”, Jen snickers.

“Not just for this, or for the whole calendar thing.”, Judy shakes her head. “For everything you did, giving me a family and someone to love.”

“It’s too early for this sweet talk, Judy.”, Jen states, but she can tell that she’s biting the insides of her cheeks to stop a grin. Judy wishes she wouldn’t do that, wishes she could see her beam more often.

“It’s never early for sweet talk, Jen.”, she pecks her lips, her chin, moves back to her lips. “Just like it’s never early for dirty talk.”, it’s mumbled against them.

“Maybe when I’m not exhausted, baby.”

**_— day nineteen_ **

Judy points at the Christmas lights with a beam. Jen smiles at her — as always, Judy does as much as breathe and Jen is smiling at her.

“Oh my God, Jen!”, she gasps and tugs on her girlfriend’s hand, now pointing to a stall.

“Jesus, Jude.”, Jen hisses as she’s pulled between other people.

“Look at this, they could match!”

“Who could- Oh…”

Judy shows her two Christmas sweaters… for pets. The model is the same, yet one is red and the other is green, with little triangles on the opposite color adorning the collar, a black “belt” drawn on and tiny bells.

“What do you think? Aren’t these adorable?”, she looks at her with so much wonder in her eyes that Jen can’t help but agree.

“Yes, honey. But, do you think they’d even wear those?”

“Well, they’re both babies, I think it’s best to make them get used to clothes now that they’re young. It’s not like we’re making them wear them all the time, just for a quick family picture, huh?”

“Fine. But you’re paying.”, Jen points at her but while she laughs, reaches for her wallet while shaking her head.

“Maybe we should get a joint account.”

“Leave that to when we get married.”, she hands the lady in the stand her card.

Judy widens her eyes, but Jen doesn’t notice it for a while.

“Here.”, she gives the paper bag to Judy and frowns when she sees her expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, um… what did you say?”

Jen’s frown deepens, “ _ ‘here’ _ ?”

“No, before that.”

“I honestly can’t even remember, baby.”, she chuckles, but stops when Judy’s face doesn’t change. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.”, Judy grins with a sigh before looking down at her feet.

“What did I say, Judy? Did I promise you something expensive?” They start walking again, Judy wraps her arm around Jen’s.

She laughs, “you said: ‘ _ when _ we get married’.”

“I mean, I guess… You don’t wanna get married?”

“If this is you proposing,  _ Jennifer _ , then I don’t want it.”

Jen laughs and rolls her eyes, “it’s an honest question,  _ silly _ .”

“Of course I do. I just didn’t think you’d want to again.”

“Me neither, honestly.”, she sighs. “But then you showed up, and now I’m reevaluating shit.”

“I like that.”, Judy whispers.

“Yeah.”, Jen whispers back. “But I promise that I’ll make a nice proposal when I do. No flash mob, though.”

The brunette giggles, “okay. But who said  _ you _ were the one proposing?”

“Judy Hale, are you making this a competition?”

“Maybe watch out for a ring the next time you eat pie.”, she winks.

“That’s so fucking cheesy.”

“Exactly… Now come on! I want hot chocolate.”

They find a hot chocolate stand, order two and sit at a picnic table. There’s a light breeze making it actually feel like winter, their drinks help to warm them up. Jen thinks Judy looks adorable in her slightly oversized sweatshirt, the dark green fabric bunching up around her waist as she sits, and black beanie on her head. They’re both on the same bench, but turned to each other, as the brunette has her legs on top of Jen’s, almost circling her waist entirely.

“Thanks for all of these things you’ve been doing for me.”, Judy settles her paper cup on the table. “I know you don’t want me to keep thanking you, and that I said some stuff yesterday, but it’s almost Christmas and you’ve really made this the best month ever.”

Jen kisses her nose, “there are still six days until Christmas.”

“I  _ know _ , but still.”

“I’m glad you’re liking it so far, though. I was so afraid of making a mistake.”

“You could never.”

She laughs, “as if.”

“Oh! Do you know who I ran into the other day when coming home from work?”

“Who?”

“Perez.”

“ _ Really _ ? She was delighted to see you, I bet.”, Jen jokes.

“Actually, hear this, she  _ thanked _ me.”

Judy sees the blonde widen her eyes, “what?!”

“Yeah. She said that now she really never wants to see me again,  _ but _ that if I hadn’t dated Michelle, she probably would’ve never moved on from her.”

“Wow, that’s really unexpected. I mean…  _ really _ .”, she shakes her head in shock. “And as much as I’m never happy to be reminded of who you’ve dated-“, Judy interrupts with a chuckle, “-, I’m glad she’s doing okay. She saved me, Judy.  _ Us _ .”

“I know…”, the brunette sighs. “I’m actually really thankful for her. She’s done way more than she ever needed to.”

Jen nods, taking another sip of hot chocolate.

Judy raises her brows, “you think we should invite her to our wedding? I don’t have many friends other than you, maybe she could be my maid of honor!”, she gasps in excitement.

“Okay, Jude, um… First of all, baby, she still hates you. And second, we’re not even engaged yet, you can make another friend until our wedding day.”

“You really think so?”

Jen pulls her girlfriend into her arms, prompting her to lay her back against her chest, “of course! You’re the most friendly person I know, anyone would be lucky to be your maid of honor.”

“Thanks, honey.”

The blonde just kisses the side of her face.

***

“Jen, hurry up!”

“Okay, okay! I’m here, sorry.”, Jen pants, walking to stand beside Judy. She picks up their dog and notices that Judy already has Gaspar in her arms, both pets in matching outfits. “Fuck, he’s heavy.”

They’re standing in front of their tree, the background also slightly decorated in Christmas lights. Both still in their clothes from the day, while Henry and Charlie have matching pajamas that look like the pets’ ones — Judy found the human’s version and couldn’t  _ not _ have it.

Charlie has his phone set up in front of them, and Jen has to admit that it looks like a cheesy Christmas card picture, but, surprisingly, she’s okay with it, because Judy is grinning like never before.

“Okay,” Charlie starts, “three… two… one… smile.”

Judy actually squeals when she sees the photo. Jen is busy taking off Shawn’s little romper because he was not happy to wear it in the first place, so the brunette drops herself onto the couch next to her and shoves the picture in her face.

“Oh, wow, wait- Charlie, get this off of him, please.” The boy does as he’s told and Jen takes the phone to look at it, “this looks nice. Very  _ disgustingly _ sweet, but nice.”

“Right?! We should make Christmas cards with these!”

“And send them to who?”, Jen laughs. “You were the one who said we have no friends.”

“Okay, but there’s Christopher, and Karen, and Lorna, and your dad!”, Judy counts on her fingers. “Oh, and Charlie’s girlfriend!”

“Oh, no, no. We’re not sending this to Natalie.”

She pouts, “fine.”

“Don’t make that face, angel.”, Jen caresses her hair. “We can frame it, okay? Display it here,”

Judy smiles, “okay, thanks!”, and hugs the blonde’s waist.

“Of course.”

**_— day twenty_ **

Jen comes back home, throws her bag on the white couch, next to where Judy is sitting, and lies down on the floor.

Judy cocks her head to the side and waits, but when she doesn’t do anything else, she gets up and stares in confusion.

“You okay?”

“Mhm.”, Jen murmurs.

“What happened with Lorna?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”, she sits up to take her blazer off and then lies back down.

“Okay.”, Judy walks away and Jen doesn’t want to be alone but lets her go, not having the energy to say anything.

Lorna is always  _ difficult _ . Still, after all this time post-Ted, it’s still hard to leave Henry there — when leaving Charlie at his girlfriend’s house is just a blessing. She always finds something to say, something to complain about, to pick on, and Jen is used to it, knows how to brush it off and not let it get to her head, but sometimes she isn’t able to. Not when it’s something that hits so close to her heart, provokes physical pain like a punch to the stomach, something along the lines of “ _ you know, Jen, maybe you should upgrade your silicone, get a bigger size, maybe it’ll look better in your blouses _ .”, because she just  _ can’t _ . She blinked twice, said goodbye to Henry with a kiss on his forehead and walked back to her car, refusing to cry.

Judy comes back, then, carrying two pillows and a wool blanket. She sits on the ground and lifts Jen’s head to place a pillow under it, doing the same to herself; throws the blanket over their legs and lies on her side, staring at Jen’s, now glassy, green eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Maybe I could give you a massage after this, you know? ‘Cause the floor doesn’t provide much cushion.”, she giggles and Jen smiles softly at her. “We can move upstairs if you want.”

“I have no energy.”, she snuggles up to Judy, burying her face in her neck and closing her eyes.

The brunette holds her tightly and whispers “okay.”

Jen falls asleep. She’s surprised at how easy it is, always has been a hard sleeper, but she’s  _ exhausted _ . December is tough, and Judy always makes her brain turn off easier.

She dreams of her mom, and an apple cinnamon scented house, of a cherry pie in the oven, instead of an apple one, of her dad laughing with her grandpa at some stupid Christmas show on the TV. In her dream, Judy is there, Judy knows her mom, Judy makes the Holidays better; her family loves Judy, her family loves her, and most importantly, her family knows they’re loved.

It’s a little after three when she wakes up.

“How are you feeling”, Judy whispers into her hair.

“I’m okay.”, Jen gets up and stretches.

“Really?”

She nods, “yeah.” Takes a breath, “do you wanna do the candle thing now?”

“Only if you’re in the mood.”

“Come on, Jude.”

They get up and Judy starts to take what they’ll need from the cupboard as Jen moves to pick things from the pantry.

“Where do we start?”, Judy asks, sitting on the kitchen island.

“We melt the wax.”, Jen says as she takes a pot and fills it with water, then pours the candle-making wax in a bowl.

With her homemade double boiler, she takes it to the stove and starts to stir, listening to Judy talk nonstop about a new game Henry came up with to play with the dog. Halfway through, though, they switch, and Judy stirs for the last six minutes needed.

Jen asks her to attach the wicks to their containers while she puts drops of a cedarwood scented oil inside the wax and stirs it for a little longer. Then, they let it cool for a few minutes before pouring it onto the jars, holding the wicks in place.

When it’s time to let it dry, they find out that it’s supposed to cool for four hours, so they take a bottle of wine and move to the living room — it’s six pm somewhere.

“You don’t wanna talk about today?”

Jen smiles softly at her, takes a sip of wine, “there’s nothing you can do.”

“It might feel good to let it out.”

She sighs, “she said that maybe I should get bigger tits, ‘ _ upgrade my silicone _ ’ I think was what she said exactly.”, and scoffs.

Judy opens her mouth but nothing comes out.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. That  _ bitch _ !”

Jen widens her eyes and gasps, amused, “wow, Jude, didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Jen! Tell me you said something.”

“I thought you were the one who said I should stop snapping at her, babe.”

“I was… But only when she’s saying her usual stupid shit, not this kind of  _ attack _ .”, Judy shakes her head. “Which, by the way, isn’t even true, and she has no business in talking about your body.”

“Judy, it’s okay, really.”, she finishes her glass and starts to pour another one. “I’ve forgotten about it already.”

“Really?”, Judy moves closer, throwing her legs over Jen’s.

“Yes, I promise.”

It’s unsettling for her, the way Judy gets so protective when something hurts Jen. She lets — or used to, she’s making progress — people take, take and  _ take _ from her, walk over her, do whatever, but when it comes to Jen, she can’t let it go. It happened when she got groped in that mustang, when Steve was just  _ Steve _ , it’s happening now, and Jen is just not used to it, it almost leaves her breathless in a way.

“You know I think you have the most beautiful body in the world, right?”, she takes Jen’s glass and places it on the center table, next to her own.

“I mean, you make a good case, yeah.”, Jen teases with a soft chuckle.

“Maybe I can make a better one.”

Judy pecks her lips, her cheeks, her nose, makes Jen,  _ honest to God _ , giggle, before reaching to take off her shirt and kiss her way down her chest.

***

“It smells so nice!”, Judy exclaims when the candles are finally dry.

Jen sniffs it, laughs because Judy all about shoved it on her face, “it’s great.”

“This was fun, wasn’t it?!”

“The after was better.”, she shrugs.

Judy laughs, pets Gaspar’s head, “you’re ridiculous.”

“Don’t say that, I’m sensitive today.”, Jen sits down and scratches their kitten’s head.

“Really?”

“Yes,  _ really _ .”, she mocks, earning a giggle from Judy.

“I love you.”, Judy presses their lips together softly.

Jen mumbles, “mm, I love you too.”


	5. 21 through 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “‘It’s the Holidays, honey.’, she states, already on a different level of a sugar high.
> 
> ‘I guess so.’
> 
> Judy lays a hand on her thigh, squeezes, ‘I’m not going anywhere, okay?’
> 
> ‘Okay.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i can’t believe we’re two days away from christmas  
> a few things for this last chapter:  
> > sorry it took so long, but it’s a little longer and filled with fluff to compensate  
> > i added a very special new tag to this if you’re interested in seeing it  
> > this is poorly proof read because i wanted to post it asap  
> > thank you if you read everything, i really appreciate your time and i hope you like where this ends  
> > happy holidays to you all, and if you don’t celebrate them, i just hope you have a good rest of month nonetheless  
> hope you enjoy <3

**_— day twenty-one_ **

“Boop, be careful!”, Jen laughs when she feels water splash over her legs.

“Honey?”, Judy calls from behind her.

“Hm?”, she doesn’t look over to Judy, chooses to shoot a glare at Charlie instead because he’s trying to make Henry say ‘ _fuck_ ’.

“You want a margarita?”

Jen closes her eyes and settles back into her seat, “oh, Jude, you’re a woman after my own heart.”

“Yeah, yeah.”, the brunette mutters as she goes back into the house to prepare their drinks.

A few minutes pass before Jen decides to go after Judy and help her. When she walks through the back door, a loud gasp comes out of her mouth, “oh, _Jesus Christ_ !”

Judy is in a white bikini, barely hidden by her see through beach cover up, shaking the mixture rapidly from one side to another, “hello?”

Jen practically yells, making her way closer, “what the fuck?!”, and looking Judy up and down.

She laughs, “did you like this one?”

“ _Holy shit_ , baby!”, her hand comes down on Judy’s ass, making her laugh harder, before her arms encircle her waist.

Jen rests her head on Judy’s shoulder, letting out a soft “ _oh, wow_ _ … _ it isn’t even Christmas yet and I’m already getting gifts.”

“Help me take these outside.”, Judy asks, letting go of the recently poured glasses to grab Jen’s arms that are still around her waist.

“No, no… Let’s just stay here for a while, let me look at you first.”

Judy turns in her arms, steps back a little but doesn’t let go of her, “well?”

“ _ Fuck _ .”, she runs her hands over Judy’s back. “You are the hottest ever. Absolutely no one compares.”

“Now you’re just exaggerating.”

“I’m not, princess.”, Jen pulls her close to kiss her lips.

Judy smirks when they separate, “princess, huh? That’s new.”

“Forget it, it just slipped out.”, she waves a hand dismissively.

“Nah, it’s a little funny, a little nice too.”, Judy turns back around to grab their glasses. “Take these outside, I’m gonna go grab the boys’ snacks.” Jen nods before walking away with their glasses in hand, but stops near the door when she hears Judy calling her name, “oh, and Jen?”

“Hm?”

Judy stares at her, takes in her body, partially covered in a dark blue one piece with a deep neckline, licks her lips before stating, “you don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Later, baby.”

She laughs, “I didn’t even go there!”

“I know what you’re thinking, Jude.”, Jen winks. “I’ve learned how to read your mind a long time ago.”

“ _ Really _ ?”, the blonde just nods in response, “I’m glad you’re envisioning what I’m envisioning, then.”, she sighs dreamily.

“Go get the snacks, Hale.”

Jen knows that having a family pool day isn’t exactly a Christmas (or even winter) activity, but they live in California, if the sun is out, then it’s a pool day. Besides, they don’t actually  _ live _ in that pool — as Jen’s greatest mistake would say —, Judy says that they should use it more. Especially now that it’s clean, make new memories in it, instead of  _ that _ one.

She sits back down on the lounger and looks at Judy, who’s sitting to her left, sipping her drink. It amazes her, still, how much she  _ feels _ for her, not only loves, even if she does, to death, but feels. Adoration, attraction, care, whatever she can name, all of those feelings that make her core feel so full of something so distinctively Judy.

“What are you looking at?”, Judy asks, lips glued to her glass.

“You. As usual.”

Judy blushes, “well,  _ stop _ .”

“No.”, Jen smiles innocently and makes her way to sit next to her, sharing a seat. “You are very nice to look at.”

“ _ Jeenn _ .”, she whines.

" _ Yeaah _ ?", Jen mocks her tone.

“Don’t keep complimenting me, I never know what to say.”

“Just agree.”, she smirks. “Say, ‘ _ yes, Jen, I’m the hottest woman on earth, how’d you know? _ ’, so I can say ‘ _ oh, it was easy to realize, even easier when you were in my bed  na - _ ‘“

Judy covers her mouth, “shut  _ up _ . There are children here.”

Jen just laughs before moving to kiss Judy below her earlobe, “they can’t hear us.”, she mumbles against tan skin.

“Yeah, but they can  _ see _ us.”, Judy states the second before they hear “ew, gross!” and “get a fucking room!”, coming from Henry and Charlie respectively.

“Language!”, Jen warns. “We don’t want your brother to end up like you.”

“Wow, so touching.”, Charlie jokes. “I love you too, mom.”

It’s sarcastic, she knows it is, but her heart does a little leap anyway, and she bites the insides of her cheeks to keep her smile from growing.

“ _Obviously._ I gave you everything you own.”, she teases, and she knows that he knows that it’s a joke, that she loves him more than words can explain, that she would (has) kill(ed) for him.

Henry jumps in the pool, soaking both women. Judy just laughs, saying “good one, Hen!”, while Jen mutters a “fuck, Henry.” that the boy doesn’t hear — or so she hopes.

“You know, now that we’re wet anyway, don’t you think we should get in?”

Jen only groans in response.

“Come on, Jen, it’ll be fun!”

“Can I just sit on the ground with my legs inside the water?”

“ _ Booo _ !”, Judy blows a raspberry.

“Hey, that’s my thing!”, Jen practically whines.

The brunette offers her big puppy eyes and a pout.

“God,  _ fine _ .”, she gets up, pulling Judy to her feet right after. “I hate you.”

Judy pecks her lips and smiles.

The water isn’t freezing, which Jen appreciates, but she does not wanna think about the fact that she’s gonna have to wash her hair  _ again _ today to get rid of the chlorine.

Judy clinging to her back like a koala bear makes it a little more worth it, even if she pretends, “Jude, I’m old.”

“Jen, I barely weigh under water.”

“If you wanna fuck up my back just say it.”, but she grips Judy’s thighs to keep her there.

She gets close to Jen’s ear to whisper, now that the boys are swimming from one side to the other, oblivious to their conversation, “you already said it,  _ later baby. _ ”

**_— day twenty-two_ **

Jen hears a faint knock on the door and tells whoever it is to come in — even if she knows who it is.

“How are you?”, Judy asks in a soft voice.

“I’m great.”, she forces a sarcastic smile, and Judy takes in her teary eyes.

The brunette sits on the bed, laying a hand on her thigh, “we don’t have to do anything today, you know? We can just lie here and pretend that the world doesn’t exist.”

Jen shakes her head, “no, Jude, we should go, I think it might be good for me.”

Judy nods in understanding, “what time do you wanna leave?”

“Like, eleven thirty or something?”

“Okay, that gives us an hour and a half.” she gets up. “You stay here, alright? I’m gonna put Henry to bed.”

Jen nods and lies back down, clinging to a tissue in her hand while more tears escape her eyes.

Judy comes back in no time, lies next to her, holds her by the waist.

“I’m sorry.”

She frowns, “why are you sorry?”

“Because I set up this nice picnic basket for you, and I was gonna drive you to a hidden place that I found, and we were gonna eat in the car and talk and be together but now I just…”, Jen takes a breath, “don’t wanna get up.”

“I already told you that it’s okay.”

“I know, but- It’s just that I pretended that I didn’t feel this for so long that now it just feels like she died yesterday.”

Judy caresses her face softly, “you don’t have to be sorry for feeling, Jen.”

Jen closes her eyes and nods, before moving close to Judy, hiding her face in the crook of her neck.

The brunette runs her hands over her back until she calms down.

“Jen?”

“Hm?”

“Is that basket still ready?”

“Yeah, I organized it this morning, why?”

“I have an idea.”

Judy takes her to her car, the one that’s parked outside, in front of the garage door — Jens finally inside now that they’ve cleaned the room. They sit in silence while Judy goes through the basket, Jen sitting sideways on the passenger seat, leaning her head on the headrest, her eyes still a little watery, but with something like wonder in them.

She lets air out of her mouth in which resembles a chuckle every time Judy does little “ooh”s and “aah”s in surprise. It’s a nice distraction, being there with her, watching her do all her endearing tiny gestures that remind Jen of how much she loves her, how much she would hate life without Judy.

“You really filled this!”

Jen chuckles, her voice comes out a little raspy, “I did.” She clears her throat, “I promise I’ll take you there sometime, so we can do this properly.”

“I’m enjoying it.”, Judy says around a mouthful of muffin, which makes Jen smile softly.

“I know.”, she nods seriously. “But I’d still like to take you, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is.”, the brunette grins. “I just don’t want you to feel like this is any  _ less _ . Being with you is always a blast.”

“It is a little less, Jude.”, Jen jokes.

“Not really…”, Judy shakes her head determinedly. “I’ve got you, I’ve got food, I’ve got a car. I can even feel the salt air.”

The blonde nods, takes a cleansing breath, “give me a muffin, will you?”

There’s a little bit of silence while they eat, before Jen speaks up again.

“There’s a slice of carrot cake there, if you’d like.”

“ _ Really _ ?! Why didn’t you tell me before?”, Judy rummages through the food, beaming when she finds it.

Jen shrugs, “I thought you had seen it… Anyway, it’s my mom’s recipe. I never really liked this cake but I thought I’d make you one because you do.”

Judy’s eyes get impossibly bigger, “when did you manage to make this?”

“This morning.”, she steals a bite from the cake, realizing it’s actually  _ okay _ . “You said you were taking the boys to the grocery store before taking them to Lorna’s, so I had a little time. I hid it at Karen’s, hopefully she hasn’t eaten it all.”

Judy giggles, “thank you.”, and she looks, well, in love.

“Of course. It was a nice distraction.”, Jen smiles. “My dad loves this, I bet he hasn’t eaten it in a while, I don’t know… His sister was never really a cook and when my mom passed he was kind of left alone to make the food. I learned some stuff to help cause he was  _ not _ good.”, she snickers while saying it, Judy follows along. “God, I should call him.”

“You should.”, she nods. “But only when you’re comfortable.”

Jen sighs, “I miss him.”, she rolls her eyes. “Fuck, I never thought I’d say this.”

“It’s the Holidays, honey.”, she states, already on a different level of a sugar high.

“I guess so.”

Judy lays a hand on her thigh, squeezes, “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay.”

**_— day twenty-three_ **

“So, you write what you’ve done that was nice and what was naughty, then we calculate how you were doing the year.”, Jen explains to Judy and Henry, holding a pen and gesturing around.

“Why are we doing this?”, Henry cocks his head to the side, looking like a curious puppy — also a little like Judy, who just smiles in adoration at him.

“So we know if Santa will come or not.”, she says, thinking that it’s really because she couldn’t come up with a twenty-third thing for them to do.

Gaspar is lying on the table, much to Jen’s dismay and Judy’s happiness.

“But you’re the one who buys me the gifts.”, he frowns, and Jen’s heart does a little something like constricting in pain because her baby boy is growing up.

Judy holds her hand over the table.

“Yeah, by the way, who told you that?”

“Shandy.”

Jen scoffs, “of course.” She takes a deep breath, focusing on Judy’s warmth on her left hand, “then, it’s to see if I’m giving you a present or not.”

“What about Judy?”, he asks again, and Jen closes her eyes, slowly counting to three.

“Hen,” Judy tries, “we’re doing it because it’s fun to reminisce on what we’ve done throughout the year, and see if we’ve been good and what things we can improve. Also because of the presents.”, she winks.

“Okay, nice.”, Henry relents and starts with his list.

“Seriously?”, Jen whispers, “how do you do this?”

“I guess the magic is a little over for him.”, she shrugs and smiles sadly at Jen, who almost pouts.

Jen starts with her nice list, thinks it’ll be admittedly smaller than the other one, so she writes: “was nice to my girlfriend”, “stopped lying to my kids”, “volunteered at the hospital”, “adopted a puppy and a kitten from a shelter”, “called my dad”, and thinks she’s pretty much done with that side. For her naughty list, she can’t come up with a lot, but she knows that one thing outweighs every other item on there. She writes: “was rude to  _ Tyler _ , from the grocery store”, “told Lorna to go to hell once (maybe twice)”, “gave Chris the finger inside his church”, “lied to Henry about the bird and made him upset”, and “ _ you know what _ ”. She mutters a “huh” when she’s done, which attracts Judy’s attention.

“Are you done?”

“I can’t think of anything else.”

“Can I take a look?”

Jen nods and hands her the list, watches as she writes something she can’t see before handing it back. The last item on her naughty list has an X over it, an arrow coming from it to the nice side, where Judy wrote “earned forgiveness from my girlfriend”, and below it “turned myself in”. She also added “told my youngest son we were out of pie just so I could eat the last slice” on the naughty side.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Give yourself some credit.”, Judy winks. “Now take a look at mine!”

Judy’s nice list contains: “gave presents to kids”, “saved two animals”, “started a garden”, “bought my son a car” — if Jen’s eyes water, that’s her business —, “drew Flo for Perez”, “tried to reconcile with my mom”, “forgave Steve”. Her naughty list only says “let my girlfriend kiss me in front of Santa at the mall”.

Jen laughs, “is this all you’re putting on this side?”

Judy only shrugs, so Jen writes two more things: “made my girlfriend wear reindeer antlers just to please me”, and “made my girlfriend eat beetroot”.

“Hey!”, Judy complains. “Beetroot is good for you, and, besides, the reindeer headband was for like a second, this makes it sound like it was with another connotation.”

“A second long enough for you to take a picture.”

“What can I say? You just looked adorable.”

“I’m done!”, Henry exclaims, placing his pen on the table.

“Okay, let’s take a look.”, Jen reaches for the list.

“Wait! Maybe you could read the nice ones and Judy could read the naughty ones.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s not mean.”, Henry states innocently.

Jen gasps, “Henry!”

“I just mean,” he gesticulates, “she’ll let me off the hook easily.”

The blonde just rolls her eyes, “fine.” Then, takes the list, “okay, nice: never missed a day of homework; always kept my room clean-“,  _ always is a stretch _ , Jen thinks, “took good care of our pets; ate my vegetables; told my moms I love them every night.”

Judy grips Jen’s thigh under the table, startled, Jen only smiles at her and hands her the list.

“Okay, um,” Judy clears her throat, “I yelled at my brother once; I screamed at some kids at school; I let the dog climb on my bed after he played outside-“

“Henry!”

“Sorry, mommy.”

Judy chuckles, “um, I broke one of Judy’s Buddhas in the guest house- Hen, I already told you it’s okay.”

“I know. But I wanted to put it there anyway.”, he shrugs.

“And, I used a bad word when talking to my mom.”, Judy puts the paper back on the table. “This is a really good list, buddy. High-five!”, she raises her hand and he high-fives her with a smile.

“Yeah, a Christmas gift may be coming your way.”

At night, Jen hears a faint voice coming from Henry’s room when she’s making her way to bed, where Judy is already fast asleep. She quietly opens the door just a little, enough to see him sitting at his desk and looking up, with his back turned to her.

She’s about to go in before he starts talking again, “I don’t know who brings the presents, if it’s you or mom, and I don’t know who takes people away, but if it’s you, can you please send another dad bird for Christmas?”

Jen leans her head on the doorframe to listen.

“Someone took my dad away, and then my bird, and I…”, he pauses, looks down, “I just miss him.”

She looks up to keep herself from crying, closes his door and makes a mental note to hug him extra tight in the morning — and maybe get him a bird.

_ Fuck _ .

**_— day twenty-four_ **

“Is this enough food?”, Judy asks when she’s done placing plates on the table.

“Jesus, Judy.”, Jen widens her eyes. “More than enough.”

Saying that Judy’s meatloaf is big is an understatement, plus the mashed potatoes, and the curry she made herself. Jen thinks they’ll have leftovers for days, but isn’t exactly mad about it. 

They’re waiting for Charlie’s girlfriend and for Henry to finish getting ready. Jen has never met one of her son’s  _ actual _ girlfriend — she’s hoping that Parker doesn’t count —, and even if she’s nervous about making a good impression, she’s excited to embarrass him in any way she can manage, hopefully counting on Judy for help.

Judy, who is looking like every single one of Jen’s favorite dreams in her beige plaid shorts and red blouse, walking in strappy heels around the house and making that  _ click click _ sound every time they touch the ground. Jen is in a black bodysuit, with mesh long sleeves, and in new blue jeans she bought for going out — Judy said she should separate those from her work ones —, besides her old nude pumps (it’s still only Christmas  _ eve _ ).

Henry comes down in a dark blue sweater and jeans and Jen feels her heart swell because he just looks  _ so _ adorable, and a little like her now that he’s older.

“Is the food ready, Judy?”, he asks before hugging his blonde mom sideways, wrapping his thin arms around her waist and resting his head on her side. Jen holds him by his shoulders.

“Yes, Hen. We just have to wait for Natalie to start eating, okay?”

He nods before squeezing his mom once again and leaving to watch TV.

“Don’t cry now, okay?”, Judy teases upon seeing the look on Jen’s face.

“Oh, fuck off. I’m not pregnant or something.”

Judy feigns disappointment, “you’re not?”

“Only if lesbian sex got me pregnant, but otherwise, I’m pretty sure. You’re gonna have to find another way to knock me up.”

Judy is about to reply when they hear Charlie open the door, “saved by the bell, Harding.”

They greet the brunette girl happily, who has some issues with what to call them — “ _ mrs. and mrs. Harding? _ ” —, but those are quickly resolved when they say they’re  _ just _ Jen and Judy.

Judy is overly excited, as always, shooting rapid questions at Natalie whenever she gets the chance. It’s nice to see that Judy is done with stopping herself from being who she is.

“So, Natalie,” Jen sips her wine, “how is Charlie at school?”

Charlie glares at her, who just shrugs.

“He’s doing well. I’ve been helping him with Spanish ‘cause he’s  _ not _ good.”, the girl chuckles.

“What about college?”, Judy asks with her usual grin.

“Can we not… talk about that?”, Charlie asks, seeming sheepish for the first time during the night.

“Why not? Is everything okay?”, the brunette tries worriedly.

“I just don’t know if I wanna go.”

“We can talk about this later, right, Jude? ‘Cause I don’t think I wanna realize that my baby is growing up.”

“I’m going.”, Natalie comments, addressing Judy. “Well, hopefully. I started on my applications.”

As they talk through dinner, Jen can’t help but think about how much Charlie has grown up throughout the year. Losing Ted was hard, but he matured after it, learned how to help his mother cope instead of blaming her for everything wrong in the world, learned that his brother requires patience, and he’s now able to provide it, learned that Judy is an important part of his mom’s life, and that she’s now more his parent than his dad ever was.

She’s glad she’s here to watch him grow up, and in these moments she knows that she doesn’t regret doing what was in her power to make sure she would be here to see it.

Later, Henry begs Charlie to play Candy Land with them. Natalie was on board as soon as the boy asked, but Charlie just enjoys making him wait a little bit. They start and Judy wins the first round, earning a kiss on her cheek from Jen when she asks what the prize is. Henry ends up winning the next two rounds.

Their youngest falls asleep on the couch when they’re making conversation after the board game. He has his head on Judy’s lap and his legs over Jen’s, looking way too much like an angel for them to care to move him.

“Charlie told me you teach art.”, Natalie comments, squished together with her boyfriend in an armchair.

“I do!”, Judy grins. “Well, it’s a painting class for the elderly but they’re really determined students.”

“Oh, sounds so fun.”, she smiles, and Judy doesn’t think she’s just saying it to be nice. “Do you paint in your spare time too?”

“Yeah! I haven’t in a while, December has been busy, but I should get back to it soon.”

“That’s right!”, Natalie turns to Jen. “Char told me about the twenty-five days thing. I told him he better do something on that level for me on my birthday.”

Jen laughs quietly, not wanting to wake Henry up, “he actually helped with some of it, don’t let him fool you with that lazy type of his.”

“Yeah, mom was just so desperate, you know how sappy she gets.”

She just flips him off in response.

“No, but I really loved everything.”, Judy states. Then she turns to Jen, flexes her hand for her to grip, which she does, “you made December the perfect month.”

Jen kisses her knuckles quickly before turning to the kids — she’ll continue to call them kids until her last day of life — again, “you staying over, Natalie?”

The girl is rummaging through her bag inside Charlie’s room when Jen beckons her son outside. She pulls him to the side, away from the entrance.

“She’s great.”

“I know.”, he nods sheepishly.

“Promise me you won’t have sex in there.”, she pleads. “Or at least not when I’m home, please.”

Charlie lets out an embarrassed soft chuckle, “ _ okay _ , mom.”, then rolls his eyes. “Like you and Judy don’t when we’re home?”, he scrunches up his nose, cringing.

Jen mock gasps, “Charlie!”, she scolds. “More respect for your mothers, thank you.”

He rolls his eyes again, “fine, mom, I’m  _ sorry _ . Now go, please? Good night.”

She pulls him into a hug, “I love you.”, when he groans, she just squeezes him tighter, “let me, it’s Christmas.”

“Okay.”, it lasts for a bit before he pulls away. “I love you too.”

“Good night.”, Jen smiles at him. “Good night, Natalie.”, she calls while passing by the door.

Judy opens her eyes when Jen walks through the door, “hey?”

“Hi.”, she gets under the covers. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was waiting for you.”, Judy moves closer, hugging her by the waist. Jen kisses the top of her head.

“Jude?”

“Hm?”

“I think it’s past midnight.”

“Oh?”

“Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Merry Christmas, love.”, she buries her face in Jen’s neck, inhaling deeply before falling asleep.

**_— day twenty-five_ **

It’s the first year that Jen wakes up before Henry barges in. When she checks the clock, it’s a little past nine, and considering that he used to wake her (and Ted) around six, she figures he must be tired from the day before.

She stirs in bed and finds Judy thrown on her stomach. It’s not a position they usually finds themselves into, so it gets a small chuckle out of her, before she starts running her fingers through soft brown hair.

Judy blinks and turns to face her, mumbling “where am I?”

Jen laughs, “at home?”

She sits up, looks at herself and frowns, “why was I lying like this?”

“I have no idea.”, the blonde pulls her into her arms, making her giggle. “Merry Christmas again, angel.”

“Merry Christmas, Jen.”, Judy kisses her, making it last longer than an usual morning kiss. “Oh, today’s gonna be so great!”, she explains excitedly, making Jen grin.

“You’re excited.”

“I am! It’s my first Christmas with you guys! Or, well, first at all, really. How could I not be?”

Jen pecks her nose, then her eyelids, then her lips, makes her blush, “I’m gonna try to make this the best day for you, okay?”

“Jen.”, Judy looks at her with a serious — but kind — face. “It already is.”

They hear a knock on the door, so Jen asks them to come in. When she sees Charlie by himself, she frowns. Judy doesn’t change expressions, she’s not familiar with their tradition yet, doesn’t know why Jen looks more worried than happy at the moment.

“Where’s your brother?”

“He didn’t wanna get up.”

Judy climbs off Jen’s lap, “is everything okay?”

“He usually wakes me up around six on Christmas morning.”, Jen explains, holding Judy’s hand by habit. “Did you talk to him?”

“He seemed pretty weird, mom, I don’t know.”

“Okay, I’m gonna go-“

“No.”, Judy stops her by squeezing her hand. “Let me. If you don’t mind.”

Jen pecks her lips, “of course not.”, and smiles. “Char, can you help me bring some of your grandma’s presents down?”

The boy nods and Judy makes her way to Henry’s room.

She knocks on the door, “Hen?”

“Go away.”, he mumbles. “ _ Please _ .”

“Buddy, will you talk to me? Please?”, she walks closer to his bed, sits on the edge.

“I just don’t wanna get up.”

Judy uses the softest voice she has, “why not?”

“Just because.”

“Okay.”, she muses. “Can I lie here with you?”

“Mhm.”

So she does.

Judy lies next to him, holds him by placing an arm around his smaller body, caresses his brown waves and kisses his temple. It’s a while before he stirs to look up at her.

“You okay?”

“Can you go get mom?”, he asks with his big blue eyes filled with tears. Judy just nods and kisses the top of his head before getting up.

Once they’re all in Henry’s room — Jen, him and Judy —, the brunette sits next to him, both leaning up against the wall, as Jen sits across from them, her legs curled up in front of her.

“I was worried when you didn’t come to open presents this morning.”, she encourages him to talk, her hand on his leg comfortingly.

“I was going to, and then I remembered-“

He stops, then, so Jen has to prompt him again, “remembered what, honey?”

“That dad is not here anymore.”

The blonde takes a deep breath to keep her tears from falling.

Judy never thought her ever present guilt could increase again, but then she learns that it can.

“I’m gonna leave you two, okay?”, she smiles reassuringly. “I’m gonna make you those chocolate chip pancakes you like, how about that?”

Henry’s eyes light up the slightest bit when he nods.

When they’re alone, Jen sits in Judy’s previous position.

“I miss him.”

“I know, Boop, I know.”

“Do you miss him too?”

Jen takes a while to answer, “yeah, sometimes.” It’s not a lie, she does miss the old him, before shit happened, before she started disappointing him in every way possible. She loved him once, doesn’t think she’ll ever not love who she thought he was — but still, not as much as she loves Judy.

“I thought I’d be okay today.”

“But it’s hard, Hen, I understand.”, she kisses his forehead. “My first Christmas without my mom was hard too. But then they started getting better by bits every year.”

“You promise?”

“Of course.”, Jen smiles at him. “And you can be sad for your dad, but I also want you to have a fun Christmas. Besides, it’s our first Christmas with Judy, don’t you want to enjoy that?”

Henry nods at her.

“Let’s go have breakfast, yeah?”

“Okay.” He hugs her waist, “I love you, mommy.”

“I love you too, Boop.”

Once Henry is next to Charlie, both stuffing their faces with pancakes, Jen pulls Judy to the bathroom to talk.

She barely has time to close the door before Judy starts apologizing, “Jen, I’m sorry,  _ shit _ , I’m so sorry.”

“Jude, baby-“, she tries, but Judy doesn’t stop talking. “ _ Judy _ .”, it’s firmer this time, combined with a grip on her wrist. “Don’t spiral over this, okay? Of course he’s gonna miss his dad on the Holidays. I should probably take him to therapy-  _ fuck _ , and Charlie too.”, she takes a breath. “But honestly, Ted would’ve died either way.”

“What?”

“I know he would’ve probably given up on his running obsession in a week, and he was not the healthiest guy, you know? So if not for Steve, then by another car, if not that, then by fucking carbs, I don’t know.”, Jen shrugs. “Henry’s fine, we’re all fine. And we’re all glad you’re here, so please don’t let this get to your head, okay?”

Judy just nods.

Jen kisses her forehead, “it’s fine, baby. I promise you today is gonna be incredible.”

Around eleven, when Henry and Judy are feeling better, someone rings the doorbell. Jen is just walking downstairs after a shower, anyway, so she opens it to find Lorna on the other side, arms carrying three bags and a box.

“Lorna?”, Jen smiles forcibly. “I thought you were only coming later tonight.”

“Help me with these bags, will you, Jennifer?”

Jen carries her bags to the living room while Lorna greets Judy and hugs her grandsons.

“I won’t be able to stay for long.”

“Oh, that’s such a bummer.”, the blonde feigns a pout.

Judy talks over her, “why not?”

The redhead sits on the couch, places her hands on her knees, “boys, take your presents upstairs, please. Charlie, this one is yours, and Henry, yours is that box.” Once they’re walking up the stairs, Lorna motions for both women to sit down too, “I met someone.”

Jen widens her eyes.

“And I don’t expect your approval, Jennifer, but I’d appreciate it if you kept your snarky comments to yourself.”

“Oh, yes. Like you did when I started dating Judy.”, she comments, unaffected.

“Sorry about that, Ms. Hale.” She takes a breath, “anyway, she is really-“

“Wait,  _ wait _ a second. She?!”

“You’re not about to reveal yourself as a homophobic, are you?”, Judy thinks she’s joking, but with her expression, who can tell?

“Clearly, no.”, Jen gestures between her and Judy. “I just wasn’t expecting  _ that _ .”

“Yeah, well.”, Lorna waves a dismissive hand. “As I was saying, she is really great and we’re spending Christmas together, because tomorrow we have a flight to Cancun.”

“Wait, she’s not, like, twenty or something, is she?”

“Jen!”, Judy scolds.

“What? I’m just making sure she’s not about to turn into a fucking Sugar Mommy, here.”

“If I had known it’d be like this, I would’ve told you over the phone.”, Lorna sighs.

“Okay, fine.”, Jen rolls her eyes. “I’m  _ happy _ for you, Lorna. This is _really_ good.”

“Yeah, we both are.”, Judy chimes in with a grin.

“Well, thank you.”, she nods before walking to the bottom of the stairs to call the boys.

***

“I guess I’m not making Turkey, then.”, Judy comments when they’re heating up the meatloaf for lunch.

“Yeah, it’s gonna sit in the fridge for days.”

“What are we gonna eat?”

“We could order pizza.”, Jen shrugs. “Or you could make it.”

Judy gasps and beams, “I could! I will.”

Jen leans back against the counter, “can we talk about Lorna now?”

“Jen.”, Judy turns to check the oven.

“What?! I’m still fucking shocked.”, she gestures around. “Not because it’s a woman- well, that too. But I never thought she’d date again.”

“Really? I always got a vibe from her?”

“A  _ vibe _ ?”

“Yeah, like, a bi vibe.”

Jen cackles, “seriously?”

Judy nods, “I thought she had a thing for you.”

The blonde shivers, “ew, Judy. Gross!”

She giggles, “nah, I’m kidding.”

They walk to the dining room, taking the food with them.

“You know those moms who love and praise their firstborn boy, then they have a daughter and judge every little thing they do?”

Jen scoffs, “yeah.”

“That’s how I see your relationship. It’s a little unhealthy, I guess, but I know she loves you anyway. Like a mom.”

“My mom was a little kinder.”

“That’s just how Lorna is.”, Judy shrugs. “Boys, come eat!”

After lunch, they sit on the ground near the tree to open presents. Charlie gets a new phone — because Jen has just been  _ generous _ like that, even if it did take a lot of convincing by Judy —, Henry gets the Crystal Growing Experimental Kit he wanted, plus some clothes and a new wooden bird to replace the last one for reasons he doesn’t need to know. Also, a real one comes through the window, she thinks it’s one of “dad” bird’s babies, thanks whoever is up there for the help.

Jen gives Judy a gold bracelet, with “12:06” engraved on the band. Judy just places an opened velvet box with a ring on the coffee table and smiles.

“Seriously?”

Judy shrugs.

“Can you say something? ‘Cause I don’t know what you’re trying to do here.”

“I told you I would be the one to ask.”

Jen laughs, teary eyed, “fuck, Judy.”

“Does that mean it’s a no?”

She rolls her eyes and pulls Judy for a kiss, “of course it’s a yes.”, she pecks her lips and cheek over and over again.

Judy giggles, “that’s a relief.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you.”, she grins.

The boys hug them before Judy has time to put the ring on Jen’s finger.

She does, eventually.

***

At night, they’re all curled up on the couch, eating pizza and watching  _ ‘Elf’ _ .

Jen keeps admiring the pear shaped diamond on her finger, ignoring the movie and observing the way the light reflects on it, smiling to herself.

Judy kisses her cheek.

“You were right.”, she comments.

Jen looks up at her, “was I?”

Judy nods, “today was great.”

“For me too.”, she smiles. “I mean, I  _ never _ would’ve thought.”

“It might’ve been a last minute decision.”

Jen chuckles, “well, it was great either way.”

”Really? Not too simple? Shouldn’t I have done a flash mob?”

”Shut up.”

The brunette kisses her, mumbles “I love you” against her mouth.

“I love you too.”

“Shh!”, Henry complains from the armchair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always appreciated, but you don’t have to <3


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